Assumptions: The Silent Saboteurs of Teamwork and Trust
“I’ll work with one of the other horses because Kalle looks aloof.”
“I don’t think she likes me because she’s the only horse who hasn’t said hello.”
“This horse doesn’t want to work.”
“Is this the stubborn one?”
These were just a few of the comments I heard from clients when they first met Kalle, one of the horses in my leadership development work. From the outside, it was easy to assume that Kalle was disinterested or unfriendly. But nothing could have been further from the truth.
Kalle, who sadly passed away in 2023, was deeply relational, but she didn’t give herself away easily. She was grounded, self-assured, and emotionally clear. And she expected the same from you. If you were hesitant, holding back, or not fully present, she wouldn’t engage. She didn’t reject you - she simply held a boundary. Kalle mirrored what many of us experience at work and in life: when we make assumptions about someone, we miss what’s really going on. And in doing so, we break connection.
This is the cost of assumptions.
Jude Jennison with her horse Kalle, a black female horse in a field. They are looking at each othr
When Horses Teach You to Let Go of Assumptions
Clients often describe the horses as “difficult” when they don’t comply. I gently challenge them: “What if you just haven’t yet met the conditions for them to want to engage?”
That’s the heart of leadership. When we stop blaming others and instead change our own behaviour, everything shifts.
With my herd, as well as my human team, I see all behaviour as feedback. If I don’t get the response I want, I ask myself: What do I need to adjust? What am I assuming? What might they need from me that I haven’t yet provided?
The horses are always clear. If they’re soft and relaxed, so am I. If they’re unsettled or challenging, there’s a need I’ve missed, whether it’s energy, clarity, or just breakfast.
Years ago, Opus would rear up at the gate if I arrived late. Not because he was difficult, but because he was hungry! If I arrived before 9am, he was calm. If I arrived after, he wasn’t. I could still choose my timing, but I made the choice knowing how it would impact him.
Assumptions mask the feedback that helps us grow. When we’re willing to listen without judgement, we build trust instead of eroding it.
Task-Based Assumptions: Helpful or Harmful?
Some assumptions are useful. They help us move quickly. You assume your alarm will go off. You assume your team member knows how to write a proposal because they’ve done it before. These assumptions help us work faster and reduce friction… until they don’t.
Imagine asking your team to “build a chair.” What kind of chair? An office chair? Armchair? Does it need wheels? Should it be ergonomic or elegant?
An experienced team member might assume you want what you’ve asked for in the past. A new team member may assume based on their own reference point. If you don’t clarify, you could end up with something beautifully crafted but not what you wanted.
So here’s the tension: practical assumptions can speed things up, but only if they’re tested and aligned. If they’re not, they become shortcuts to confusion.
That’s why mutual understanding is critical. As a leader, ask: “What does success look like?” or “What do you need from me to move forward with this?”
It’s not about micro-managing. It’s about clarity. And clarity builds confidence.
Relationship-Based Assumptions: The Non-Verbal Conversation
Assumptions in relationships are more subtle, and often more damaging. You might assume that someone in your team will always push back. Or that they don’t like you. Or that they’re being difficult on purpose.
Without realising it, you’ll show up with your guard up. They’ll sense it. And guess what? They’ll mirror it back. Now you’ve got a spiral of mistrust, built entirely on a story you created in your head.
We all do it. We show up based on what we believe to be true. But often, it isn’t.
In teams, these relational assumptions are especially toxic during conflict. We assume bad intent. We hold back. We judge. And in doing so, we damage the very trust we need to repair the relationship.
Here’s a radical idea: assume everyone in your team wants to do their best work. Even the person who seems disengaged. Even the one you find challenging.
Why? Because most people do. According to Gallup’s 2024 State of the Global Workplace report, just 21% of employees worldwide are actively engaged at work. But that doesn’t mean the rest are lazy or careless! Often, disengagement is a response to unclear expectations, poor leadership, or unspoken frustration.
Try this: Next time someone crosses a boundary, instead of assuming intent, ask yourself: did I ever clearly set that boundary in the first place?
Most boundary-crossing is accidental, but the trust break that follows isn’t. You can repair that by assuming good intent and by clarifying expectations going forward.
The Judgement Trap
Assumptions often go hand-in-hand with judgement. “Introverts are disengaged. Extroverts are dominating. Shy people are rude. Confident people are arrogant.”
These narratives do damage. They create distance where there could be connection.
Even worse, we judge ourselves too. That voice in your head that says “I’m not ready” or “I’m not good enough”? It’s just another assumption - one that limits your confidence, your risk-taking, and your growth.
The danger is this: once we make an assumption, we begin acting as if it’s fact. We look for evidence to support it. We behave in ways that reinforce it.
And so it becomes true, not because it is, but because we believed it to be so.
What’s the Antidote?
Clarity.
Clarity is the muscle that breaks through assumptions. It’s not just about giving more information, it’s about co-creating shared understanding.
In teams, that looks like:
Agreeing on the goal and why it matters
Clarifying expectations and roles
Checking in regularly on what’s working and what’s not
Naming assumptions so they can be tested
Being honest when you don’t know something
It also means being clear about your values, your boundaries, and your needs.
Misunderstandings thrive in silence. Clarity cuts through.
Most disagreements don’t come from bad intent. They come from assumptions that fill in the gaps where clarity was missing.
Want to Know Where Assumptions Might Be Harming Your Team?
Take 3-5 minutes to complete the Team Performance Scorecard. It’s a free, simple tool that will show you where clarity is missing, where assumptions are creeping in, and where your team could unlock more trust, alignment and productivity.
Because real change doesn’t start with a strategy.
It starts with a conversation.
