Leaders make connections
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When it comes to living in a community or working in a team, there are always people you connect well with and others with whom you don’t connect as well.
It’s easy to blame the other person. If they would only do x, then everything would be fine. They may think the same of us. It’s always someone else’s problem, someone else who has to take the lead, someone else who has to change their behaviour and that’s where relationships break down.
Well the thing is….. the only person that you can change is you.
Two co-leaders, one voice
I’m doing a year long Leadership programme. We did an exercise on the first day and there was one person that I did not connect with. I could have walked away and not made an effort with her. Instead, we had an open and frank discussion and increased our understanding of each other. That was the first step.
Since then, we’ve been working together, sharing ideas, challenges, being vulnerable together, learning together. Leaning in to the relationship.
And it’s paid off. Yesterday we ran our first teleseminar together just two months after meeting for the first time. It was an absolute joy. We danced a beautiful dance, bending and flexing together. We were individuals who allowed each other freedom to be individual and at the same time we collaborated and were one team. Two co-leaders. One voice. And we made an impact on the group.
The relationship could have been very different if we had been different.
I now feel deeply connected to this person. We have created a partnership where we can be truthful, even when it hurts. In a loving and gentle way because we want the best for each other, individually and together. That’s a really powerful relationship to have, a relationship that will stand the test of time. A relationship where we both champion each other, urge each other on, support each other and are willing to fail together for the sake of wanting to make a difference in the world.
Leaning in
Connections don’t always happen instantly. Sometimes we have to make them work. And the more we put into making a relationship work, the stronger and more powerful it can be.
Living and working with a diverse group of people makes life and work interesting. It generates creativity and innovation. It requires us to lean into to wanting the relationship to work, to let go of blame and judgment.
Our first impressions are often an emotional decision, a split second decision. Then we justify that emotional response with logical reasons. We try to prove to ourselves that we are right and we continue to break relationships down further through our behaviour.
There is another way.
When we stop justifying our behaviour and are willing to lean in, trust and understand others, we build longlasting deep connections with people.
We’re all human and we all want to be loved. Isn’t that the basis for deep connection?
Who could you connect with at a deeper level?
What might be possible when you take the lead and lean in?
Putting it into practice
- Identify someone that you work with that you don’t connect well with.
- Spend time with them.
- Be curious about who they are, what makes them tick.
- Ask them for help with something.
- Notice the impact on the relationship.
With love,
Jude. x
This article was inspired by my new dog, Pepsi. When I met her this morning for the first time, we instantly connected and I knew she would be mine. The previous dog I saw I didn’t connect with. We rejected each other. Perhaps she felt my rejection. Perhaps if I had made more of an effort, she would have done too.
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