Creating powerful relationships and magic

I’ve been working with a wonderful guy called Matthias (hello Matthias!) to plan and co-lead a workshop.

What I’ve learned along the way is that the relationship we create and our connection are everything.

I mean EVERYTHING.

On the face of it, we disagree on almost everything. You know the “oh my goodness, what is he/she going to say next”. There have been stunned silences, eyes rolling, feelings of energy being sapped and much laughter. And that’s just from me. If Matthias wants to run an indoor workshop, I want to run it outdoors (yes, in Oct, in the rain, in the UK).

In the past, I would have given up. I would have said, “do you know what? We just don’t see eye to eye. This is never going to work. Let’s drop it.”

In fact, our desire to connect and to create from each other has been so great that we have made the whole process easy and fun.

We have laughed a lot. I mean a lot! I especially laugh a lot when I come up with a ridiculous idea and I can almost hear Matthias’s eyes rolling around in his head and I know he hates it. Matthias hangs in there and looks for the positive molecule in a terrible idea and at the same time I can just hear the “Oh god I hate it” energy in his voice.

I’ve worked previously in environments where everyone puts forward a point of view and everyone thinks their idea is the best. So everyone focusses on selling their idea to everyone else and it all becomes competitive and nobody actually listens to anyone else. The focus is on getting your idea accepted and proving that you are right. That creates disagreement, frustration and stress. It breaks down relationships (or even stops them from being formed).

Matthias and I could have fought, argued and got frustrated in the way people typically do in business when they don’t agree on everything. Instead, we have laughed. We have created from each other. When I suggest something, Matthias bends it in a slightly different way and in return I bend it slightly differently.

We go back and forth in this way until we are both sure that we have an idea that we both agree on, that we believe will work, that we hope will delight our workshop participants.  I know that what we are creating is far more powerful than either of us could have created alone.

By blending our ideas together, we co-create something that is a part of both of us, literally created from each other. The focus is on the alignment, on the agreement and on the connection. We listen to each other’s ideas, we try and create something with them, we try to understand each other. We want the other person to be heard and understood more than we want our own idea to be agreed to. This way, we develop a powerful relationship that carries us through the tricky moments. And it’s a joyful experience.

Of course, it remains to be seen what the outcome is as we will co-lead the workshop in just over a week’s time. One thing I am sure of is that our connection and our ability to flex and bend together will create a magical experience, for us as well as the participants. I’m excited!

As for the workshop, it’s all about making life easy and fun. We have certainly done that. I never knew work could be so much fun!

Putting it into practice

1. Next time you are discussing something with someone, let go of your own idea. Listen to your partner / colleague / friend. I mean really listen.
2. Find the good thing about your partner’s idea and build on that. e.g. if they suggest you plan a holiday to the Bahamas, focus on what you like about that e.g. the sunshine, the beach, etc. And build on it.
3. Want the relationship to work more than the outcome. The outcome will handle itself when you have a great relationship.
4. Enjoy! Post your comments below on how you create from other people and the magic that is created when you do just that.

With love,
Jude. x

Related posts:

1. Creating from others – why you don’t need all the answers
2. Is the energy you put out creating the impact you want?