I’ve recently been exploring animals as mentors and I see there is so much to be learned from them that we can apply to our own leadership.

I particularly love the playfulness, intelligence and team spirit of dolphins, the way they look out for each other, support each other and really collaborate together.  My dogs show me how to be really present in life, how to respond in the moment, putting past grievances aside and how to appreciate simple pleasures.

But it’s my cat who is my true mentor, who inspires me every day. Whenever I get stuck with something, I watch him and learn.  Here are some leadership lessons from my cat Dennis:

1. Be open to possibilities – Cats go out hunting, not knowing where their next meal will come from. They keep an open mind regarding where they will go, what they will hunt and where they will sleep. Being open to possibilities enables us to recognise different ways of behaving or doing things and increases our creativity and innovation.
2. Be detached from the outcome – cats come and go as free spirits. I never know when my cat will come home. In fact, last year, he took off for 9 days. When I accepted that he could choose to live his life the way he wanted to, he appeared the very next day! Let go of needing to control things that are not meant to be controlled and you will be able to relax into the natural order of life. Stop worrying about things that you cannot influence.
3. Do focussed work - when you see a cat hunting, they are really focussed on the task in hand. They choose what prey they go after and they really concentrate on one thing at a time. It enables them to be really effective. Decide on one (yes, just one) thing that you are going to do each day. Make sure it is something critical and do it first. Anything after that is a bonus. When you focus on just one critical thing each day, you become more effective and productive and your list of things to do will reduce quicker.
4. Know when to give up - my cat will work tirelessly to catch a mouse… but he also knows when to give up and move on to something else. Learn the difference between trying too hard to no avail and persevering under pressure for the sake of achieving something really important.
5. Avoid distractions - cats notice the things that are important… like the traffic, the movement in the undergrowth that enables them to find their next catch. They ignore the constant birdsong that acts as a background noise and refuse to get distracted by it. Allow yourself to switch off the distractions around you (e.g. internet, email, instant messaging, etc) so that you can be really effective. Just one hour a day will enable you to accomplish more in less time.
6. Nurture your mind, body and soul - Cats hunt when they are hungry, sleep when they are tired and avoid the rain wherever possible! I’m not suggesting you never go out in the rain (in fact, I love walking in the rain) but I am suggesting that you find ways to look after yourself and stop pushing yourself beyond your limits.  Having enough sleep is essential to ensuring you are more effective and focussed. Eating healthily and exercise are essential tools for leaders to remain fit and productive at work.
7. Enjoy the process as well as the end goal - Cats are great at enjoying the hunt. If you find yourself focussing so much on the end goal that you forget to enjoy the process, rein yourself back in and notice what is happening. Notice the trials and tribulations along the way and ENJOY them!
8. Learn from failure – When cats fail to catch something, they try again. And again. And again. They don’t sit back and beat themselves up for missing the mouse the first time. They enjoy it all as a game. Start to recognise your failures as part of the bigger game, as part of the process and enjoy learning from them and trying again.
9. Be playful – cats are incredibly playful for no apparent reason. In fact, I find it hard to accept that my cat likes to play with the mouse he caught before eating it. Children are also great at playing with food. As adults, we become accustomed to living and working in a serious manner, following those unwritten rules that tell us how sensible we have to be. Remember how you felt as a teenager, being rebellious and having fun throwing a dishcloth at someone? (was that just me?) It’s time to lighten up and have some FUN!
10. Full permission – Cats are free spirits. They don’t ask what the rules are or constrain themselves believing that they can’t do something. They do what feels right to them. Notice where you stop yourself saying and doing what you want to say and do. Start speaking your truth, from your heart and soul.
11. Follow your intuition – cats are incredibly intuitive. It never ceases to amaze me that my cat catches moles. He must have to be really patient and really quick and really intuitive to know that a mole is near the surface and about to come out. We become so good at working things out logically that many of us have forgotten how to respond with our intuition. Start to notice how your body feels when something is right and how it feels when something is wrong. Start to listen to your body more and more and use it to inform your decisions.

Yes, there is much to be learned from my cat. He’s a reminder that leadership is within us all. We need only relax into our natural leadership style to know what to do in every moment.

What animal is your mentor?

What does your animal mentor tell you about how to live and work?

And finally… when I asked my husband what his animal mentor was, he replied “A chipmunk”. I looked curious and he explained: “Because it’s got cute cheeks and nice teeth”. I give in.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

11 Leadership lessons from an unusual mentor

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There was virtually nothing that I would say No to. If I was asked to work longer hours, I did. If I was given some awful challenging project that nobody else wanted to do, I did it. I put myself out to please others. And that surprises me because I’m normally someone who speaks their mind.

So when I was confronted for the first time with this question, it seemed rather strange. You mean… I get to choose what I want?  What about the impact of saying no? What if I lost my job because I said no? What if I didn’t get the next payrise or promotion?

Then it dawned on me. I was being driven by external influences.

Consider the negotiation of a house. The buyer wants it at the cheapest price, the seller wants it at the highest price. There comes a point when both parties either agree on the sale or are willing to walk away. So there is a cutoff point or a boundary at which you are willing to walk away.

You can apply this to anything. For example, your boss tells you that he or she wants you to  do a particular project and it involves doing things you don’t like, like longer hours, more time away from home, more responsibility, less responsibility even. Do you do it and fight it all the way or do you sit them down and explain what your needs are? What is the boundary here? At what point do you say no? And what is the impact of that?

Too many leaders in business feel driven to do things that they don’t want to do. They believe they have no choice. They have to do it or risk losing their job. The problem with this is that it breeds a culture of people who say Yes to everything and before you know it, the working conditions become intolerable for everyone. We are creating our own reality by not having boundaries.

So if you are asked to achieve the impossible, it’s time to start setting boundaries. It’s time to start saying no. Time to start standing up for your rights. Time to start being creative about what is achievable and more importantly reasonable.

Where do you set boundaries?

Where are you doing things that you don’t want to because you have not set boundaries?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider a situation that you are not happy with, where you feel put upon or where things are not working for you.
2. What are you tolerating?
3. What are your boundaries? Where are they being overstepped?
4. Set your boundaries and be honest with others about your needs. Make conscious choices about how you want to live.

It’s time to stop walking blindly through life, being driven by external circumstances. It’s time to start living your life the way you want it. Of course, this is challenging. There is a price to be paid for living consciously. For every choice you make, there is an impact to be considered. Be prepared to deal with that and choose consciously.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Setting boundaries to meet your needs

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Outside, my garden is also a mess. I didn’t make time to do the usual autumn clearout so there are remains of dead plants and leaves everywhere.

So it’s no surprise to me that my mind is also jumbled. It’s reflecting my physical environment. (Or is it the other way round?)

My head is full of exciting project ideas, people I want to work with, ideas about a book I want to write, plans for my future but also old projects that I don’t enjoy, things that I need to do that are a chore. And I notice how I am hopping from one thing to another, unable to settle on one thing at a time.

It’s difficult to be effective when everything is cluttered.

And yet…. I wonder if there is another way of looking at this. As I look at the garden, covered in frost, I notice that there are more birds around this year who are enjoying the seeds from the flowers I didn’t deadhead. Almost certainly in the next few weeks they will also be coming back for material to build their nests with so I can expect their visits to continue for some time.

As I start to clear up my desk, I notice that there is a lot of work associated with a particular project that I am not really interested in. I’ve been letting it pile up because it has been too much of a chore to deal with it as it comes in.

So I wonder if the mess is part of the process. Part of highlighting the things that no longer serve us, part of letting go of the old and allowing the new to emerge. Not knowing what that new is… until it appears.

Now I am clear about the projects I am letting go of and that is creating space for the new projects to sort themselves out.

And I wonder if there is a way of allowing things to sort themnselves out naturally, a way that clarity appears from amongst the chaos without having to search hard for it?

What chaos is in your life and what is it telling you?

What clarity trying to emerge?

Putting it into practice

1. Notice where things are chaotic, a mess or jumbled… either physically or in your head.
2. What is the message in the chaos?
3. What are you wanting to let go of and what does that create space for?

Allow the chaos to be what it is. Let it rest and trust that clarity will emerge when the time is right.

Oh… and if you must have a New Year’s resolution, how about: Quit feeling guilty about the mess (or anything for that matter)!

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Finding clarity in the chaos

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It’s surprising how much change there has been and how much I have learned along the way. I hope my regular readers have enjoyed learning alongside me.

Here’s my summary of my key leadership lessons in 2009:

January – Creating the change we want to see in the world

Obama was inaugurated and set the tone for the year. He opened people up to possibilities, to dreaming what is possible rather than fighting the things we don’t like. He inspired me to realise that if we want to create the change we want to see in the world, our own small world or the larger global world, then we need to start acting. We need to do our bit. I realised that I was not making the best use of my talents and I started to change course.

What is the change you want to see in the world and what step can you take towards it?

February – Using nature as an inspiration for leadership

I joined a blogging course run by Daniel Scocco and Leaders by Nature was born. I became aware of how much I am inspired by nature and how it can teach us as leaders. I’m passionate about leaders connecting with nature. By that, I mean I want to see leaders connecting with their own true nature, their inner selves.

I want leaders to develop skills to connect better with each other, to learn to understand each other so that we can build harmonious relationships and work together for common goals. I realise how much nature can show us the way to be in rhythm with our natural world. Of course, this requires us to slow down and notice what is happening in nature.

What leadership lesson can nature teach you?

March – being bold creates opportunities

I wrote a blog about being bold and was inspired to take a year out of my corporate life and devote myself to building my coaching and leadership development business. In hindsight, I realise this was not so much a bold step as a natural step and yet at the time, it felt enormous… to let go of my career, to let go of the definition of who I thought I was. In letting go of being defined by the role and career I had, I opened myself up to greater opportunities and personal transformation.

What can you let go of to enable you to open up to opportunities?

April – leading with love

I started my year’s sabbatical and turned my attention to coaching and leadership and developed my blog. In doing so, I started to realise how little love there is in the workplace and how much more enjoyable our daily work is when it is built around love. I feel fortunate enough to be running a business that has love at its core. I love my clients and champion them along the way as they evolve naturally. When we see each other as human beings and learn to love each other, the workplace becomes a better place to be.

What happens when you allow yourself to love your colleagues?

May – being authentic

I started a year long Leadership course run by the Coaches Training Institute, a truly transformational journey which I am still on. After the first week, I started to understand the essence of me at a deeper level and learned to connect to the core of who I am and what I stand for in the world.

I realised how much I had been domesticated throughout my life and had lost my authenticity. In May, I regained it and built the foundations for my continuing growth throughout 2009.

Who are you when you show up fully in your authenticity?

June – the power of asking for help

I started to reach out and  ask for help with new projects. In doing so, I learned far more than just asking for help. I learned how to build deeper rapport with others and create greater intimacy. By asking people for help, I was giving them the chance to give me something. I opened up to being vulnerable, not needing to have all the answers and that was a gift to those who were able to help me.

Where can you ask for help? What is the gift you give someone else by asking for help?

July – mending broken relationships

I learned how to connect with someone who I did not originally have rapport with. I had made all sorts of assumptions up about her and had withdrawn. I learned how to lean into building rapport with someone with whom I felt I had little in common and in doing so, I learned my greatest gift of the year… the power of connections. I learned how easy it is to connect when we let go of needing to be right.

What broken relationship can you mend by leaning in and connecting?

August – the courage to speak the truth

I started to stretch into speaking my truth much more. I’ve always considered myself to be honest and direct. At this point in the year, I started to speak the hard truth, the things I knew people didn’t want to hear. I dared to be rejected and found that in most cases, I built deeper connections with people because I was courageous enough to be honest.

What truth  do you want to speak?

September – daring to fail

I learned that I can push past the “I can’t”. I realised that I say “I can’t” when what I really mean is “I don’t know how”. In daring to fail, spectacularly, I started to do things I’d never dared do before.

I let go of my self-limiting beliefs, the stories that I had previously told myself that hold me back. I learned to be open to every situation, to let go of needing to know how things look before embarking on trying something new.

What story do you have that holds you back and keeps you playing safe?

October – finding our natural rhythm of life

By taking some time out and spending time in nature, I saw the inspiration that nature offers us in everyday life. I realised how much my new life this year is in rhythm with the seasons and in time with my own natural rhythm of life. I’ve moved from rushing around frantically to being comfortable with my own pace and saying no to things that I have no space or time for.

What’s the natural rhythm of your life?

November – being liberated from the fear of rejection

In speaking my truth, people sometimes withdraw. It can be too powerful, too much. I learned how to be ok with that. To see each “rejection” as a temporary withdrawing. To trust that I come from a place of love and compassion and that those who want to engage with me, will stay, even when I call them forth. I no longer need to run in fear of rejection. I can embrace it, welcome it, learn from it. It’s more empowering to look at rejection in this way and more liberating.

What can you learn from rejection? How can you embrace it?

December – 2009 in review

So here I am looking back at 2009. What a ride. I feel as though I’ve transformed and evolved more this year than ever before. I started the year unhappy with my corporate life, running my coaching business in parallel and feeling drained of energy.

I end 2009 feeling solid and grounded and centred. I have a deep inner knowing about who I am and what I stand for. I have clarity around the impact I want to have on the world. That’s a huge achievement in one year. And I can say that with such confidence.

Gratitude for 2009

I am grateful for so many things in my life, in particular my amazing husband who stands so strong beside me on our journey together.  With him by my side, I trust that there is wisdom in every experience, that my vibrancy and aliveness is infectious and that I can have the impact on the world that I want to have.

To my clients, family and friends, I love you all deeply.

To my regular readers, I love and welcome your comments. When we engage in dialogue, my blog and life is enriched. I hope for more and deeper connections in 2010.

To those who are dropping by for the first time, you are most welcome and I greet you with open arms and would love to hear your stories.

I wish you all  health and happiness and look forward to sharing our evolution together in 2010.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

12 lessons in leadership from 2009

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In the past, I would have found this really difficult. I’d have spent a lot of time chasing after them, trying to put things right.

This time, I’ve made my position clear and invited them to have a call with me to discuss. No response. This feels a lot like a rejection. And yet, I know it is not personal. I know it is a reflection of where they are right now.

Wow. This is actually a big relief for me. To allow someone to withdraw because they choose to withdraw and to allow it to happen.

It feels like a gift. Because, now I’ve set my self free. In accepting the rejection (feels like a strong word for what may be a temporary withdrawing), I’m letting go of the fear of being rejected. That gives me such freedom. It helps me push through any prevarication that I previously had with difficult decisions.

I realise how much I live my life being driven by the fear of rejection. I realise that I try to please people, I try not to upset them. I try to do the right thing. But what does that even mean? The right thing is different for everyone of us. How exhausting to try and please everyone! It’s impossible anyway.

So in the process, up until now, that has sometimes meant that I’ve been so careful about how I word things that sometimes my own wants and needs have gone unspoken. It has also meant that I’ve not always been as bold as I’d like to be. I sometimes play it cautiously in my business and personal life. I consider so carefully whether people will like what I have to offer, that I delay putting it out there.

Now, I feel free to try new things, to dare to fail more. I dare make mistakes and risk being rejected. Because the real truth is… that the people who really love me will not reject me for saying something that they might not want to hear or for suggesting they do something that they don’t want to do. The people who really love me are more likely to come back and reconnect. Engage and discuss. Create from each other until we are united.

And in terms of my business, there will always be rejection after rejection. No after No. And it’s not personal. It just means, I’m not right for those people who say No.

So now, I’m stepping deeper into my authenticity. Daring to do what feels right to me, daring to say what feels right. Knowing that I come from a position of love and compassion for everyone, even when they might not want to hear what I say. And knowing that not everyone out there will get me or my business. Not everyone will understand what I bring.

That’s liberating. It’s expanding the possibilities. It means I can be fully me, saying and doing things I’ve never dared to do and say before, trusting that those who want to connect with me actually will… when they choose to.

Where are you holding back?

What is the fear of rejection stopping you from saying or doing?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider where you hold back for fear of rejection.
2. What do you really want to say or do?
3. Say or do waht you want to say or do, from a place of love and compassion for all parties.
4. Do let me know how you get on.

Be bold. Set yourself free.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Is the fear of rejection running your life?

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There is a lot of sighing and looking at watches.

Some people are complaining that it’s an inconvenience and that they are too busy to take the time out  of their lives to do jury service. Others are scared and are impatient to be released and hope not to have to do it.

A third group are delighted to be doing jury service and are desperate to be called into the courtroom and get going. They anxiously rub their hands together and dare not go to the bathroom for fear of missing their chance.

The final group (small in number) are enjoying the space that this brings. I have an excellent book with me (Three cups of tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin) and I’m enjoying the opportunity to read without interruption.

Whatever is happening here today is beyond our control. The process is what it is. On the surface, it seems inefficient and yet, we only see a small part of what is going on. Trials stop and start for all sorts of reasons. Meanwhile, the jurors are waiting. Waiting for the process to unfold.

Those who are present and patient are much more relaxed than the others. I realise that this is a choice. I am choosing to be relaxed because I’ve realised that fighting it and being anxious is not going to change the situation. And with the tense energy around me, that’s not so easy.

How patient are you in allowing things to unfold naturally?

How present are you in what you are doing in each moment?

Whilst I am being patient and present at the court, it’s not something I normally find easy. I’ve recently started to learn qi gong and it involves learning a new move each week which is added onto the previous series of moves. I’ve been impatient to learn the next move each week. Impatient to become proficient at it. Which rather defeats the object of qi gong which is really a form of moving meditation, a way of being mindful and present and relaxed.

Relaxing is the key. So often, we rush about our daily lives that we don’t make time to be present. We don’t make time to enjoy every moment, whatever it is… including the traffic delay on the way to work. And I realise that I can only be patient and present when I relax into the moment and accept it for what it is. Breathe into it. Notice what is here and allow it to be what it is.

Putting it into practice

1. Think of an activity you do regularly that you find frustrating e.g. driving to work, brushing your teeth, washing up.
2. Next time you do it, breathe. Get really present. Notice what is happening.
3. Consider what is positive about the situation (e.g. traffic delay gives you chance to plan your day).
4. Make being patient and present a choice in every moment.
5. Post your comments below and let us know how you get on.

Be patient. Be present. Be at peace.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Being patient and present

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I know firsthand that it’s not sustainable long term. I’ve done my share of working long hours, travelling a lot with work and throwing myself into my leisure time with the same ferocity and velocity and I became exhausted.

Those who know me will also know that I have a tendency to break bones when I’m living life at too fast a pace! I see many clients, colleagues and friends who are also exhausted and still trying to maintain the status quo of high activity.

There are times throughout the year where our activities increase e.g. at the end of the term for teachers, at financial month and year end for those in business, at Christmas when we go out more and have more shopping to do.

There’s nothing wrong with being busy. It’s a natural rhythm of life. The problem comes when we increase our activites to that high level and try to maintain it  longterm at an unsustainable level.

That’s when it becomes out of balance with the natural world, out of balance with the natural rhythm of the earth. When we live in towns and cities and spend much of our time in offices, it’s easy to get out of balance with the natural world. We can get caught up in the materialism of modern day society and believe we need to be busy to sustain that way of life.

There is another way.

I look to nature as an inspiration to show me how to find a more natural rhythm. There are moments throughout the year when nature is busy too. Like the bees in the summer, cross-pollinating the flowers, the squirrels gathering in the harvest in autumn to sustain them over the winter, the flowers in spring which grow at an alarming rate.

We too can harmonise with the rhythm of the earth and find our own rhythm of life. A rhythm that feels energising and gentle, exciting and sustaining, both for ourselves and the world around us.

What’s the rhythm of your life?

What rhythm would serve you right now?

Putting it into practice

1. Get out in the fresh air every day for at least 5 minutes and connect with nature. Breathe.
2. Notice what is happening in nature and draw the comparison with your own life. Notice where nature is working as designed, bending and flexing.
3. If you are moving at a fast unsustainable pace, it might be time to start saying no to things, time to ask for help. If you are prevaricating and have become static, then notice what needs to happen. Do yoou need time out to recharge or is it time to start moving?
4. Find a new rhythm that nourishes and sustains you, excites and energises you.
5. Post your comments below on how you get on.

Go out and connect with nature – your own true nature, the nature of others and the natural world. It’s time to find your natural rhythm of life.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Finding your natural rhythm of life

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So with that in mind, I decided to write a review of an excellent book which I’ve read recently. It’s one of the simplest personal development and leadership books I’ve ever read and yet the impact of it is profound. I highly recommend everyone to read it and apply its principles.

In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz explores how we are domesticated by our everyday lives and how adopting the Four Agreements can transform our lives completely. These are the four agreements that he recommends we apply to transform our lives:

1. Be impeccable with your word. Your thoughts and feelings are all words. If you are impeccable with your word, you will use your thoughts and words with good intention both towards yourself and towards others.  You will believe the best in you and in others and  negativity will not affect you.

Being impeccable  also means speaking the truth and speaking with love and compassion. It means not gossiping about people and not judging anyone (especially yourself). Many people love to gossip, especially about people they don’t know. Gossip is pure opinion and is not founded in truth. Often it hurts people. Know the difference between the truth and gossip and only speak the truth, with love and compassion.

2. Don’t take anything personally. Oh I love this. When someone expresses their opinion, it is just that… an opinion. Not the truth. It means that if someone else judges you, you can let it go, knowing it says more about them than it does about you. They are projecting their own reality onto you. Let them keep it. You do not need to be the victim of endless suffering by taking on everything that is thrown at you.

3. Don’t make assumptions. We are assumption machines. We have to make assumptions all day in order to make decisions. E.g. I assume there will be hot water in the shower in the morning so I can jump straight in. Where assumptions become more dangerous is when we start to believe that they are actually true.

When we make assumptions and take things personally, then we start to distance ourselves from others for fear of being hurt. It causes us to separate and break connections. We assume someone doesn’t like us so we keep our distance. Love is lost. You can counteract this by being curious about everyone and everything. Ask questions. Test out your assumptions. They are the stories that you make up about people and things. Assumptions are not the truth.

4. Always do your best. Perhaps you were told that as a child. Yet as adults, we often berate ourselves for not doing enough, not achieving something or saying the wrong thing. When we are unwell or tired, our best is less than when we are on top of everything.

As long as we are doing our best, our best is good enough! That means, you do what you can in the time available with the resources available. Making mistakes is fine if you are doing your best. When  you believe that you are doing your best, then there is no place for self-judgment and you set yourself free.

Four very simple agreements. Easy to read. Much harder to put into practice. Yet when you combine them with each other, they become extremely powerful. We create our own reality by our thoughts and feelings. Each thought and feeling is a choice.

In summary, Don Miguel Ruiz says: “We have a choice… to suffer, or to love and be happy.”

What will you choose?

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Review of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

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By this, I mean that I acknowledge my clients for how they show up in the world, the things they do and the impact they have on the world.

This is often uncomfortable for people the first time they experience it. After all, they are used to being told how to improve rather than how amazing they are!

At school, we focus on how children can do better, what they have yet to learn. We might tell them when they do something that is good like play the piano or score a goal in football. We rarely tell them that they are smart or beautiful or funny or happy, etc. If children say how good they are at something, they are told not to boast, not to brag.  We’re not allowed to show other people how good we are at anything.

As adults in business, appraisals are intended to motivate employees. Too often they focus on where we can improve, how we can do a better job. I believe this is disempowering and causes us to focus on the negative things.

We forget how amazing we are!

One of the most difficult things to do is to think about ourselves positively. To say, I’m good at coaching. I’m funny. I’m eccentric. I’m playful. I’m intelligent. I’m honest. I’m a good friend. I’m loyal. And I’m squirming as I write those things! I absolutely know they are true for me and still it’s difficult to acknowledge them.

How well do people know you?

How much are you hiding your amazingness?

When we realise how amazing we are, our self-esteem improves. That allows us to release the constraints that hold us back and step into our full authenticity. The impact on ourselves and the world around us is so much greater.

Putting it into practice

1. Write 2 sides of A4 (letter) paper of adjectives that describe you. Use only positive words.
2. Celebrate your amazingness!
3. Share 3 amazing things about you in the comments below… go on! Give it a go!

Know how amazing you are. Own it. Be it. Stop hiding your amazingness. The world needs you. Just as you are. No more. No less.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Do you know how amazing you are?

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What I’ve learned in the process is that attitude is everything and failure is essential. When I let go of “I can’t” or “it might hurt me”, I can achieve the seemingly impossible.

The words “I can” and “I can’t” are prevalent in every day use. We learn as children and continue to learn as adults what we can and can’t do. Or so we think. The problem is that as adults, we start to limit the opportunities we have available to us by believing that “we can’t”.

It prevents us from trying something new because we believe we can’t do it or because when we tried it once before it didn’t work. But things change. Circumstances change. Our physical and mental capabilities are always evolving… if we allow them to. There is no need to hold ourselves back any more.

What self-limiting beliefs are holding you back?

Children continue to push the boundaries on a daily basis and that enables them to achieve things that the year or month or day before, they were unable to do. Like a toddler who learns to walk by continually falling over until through sheer determination and persistance, they eventually find themselves running.

They keep trying until they succeed. Any failure along the way is part of the learning process. It helps them find the way that eventually works for them.

Where are you holding yourself back, physically or mentally?

What failure are you avoiding and what impact is that having on you achieving your potential?

On the ropes course I fell a number of times. Each time I fell I thought: “Damn it. I had more in me.” I was frustrated by the failure  initially because it’s uncomfortable. When I opened myself up to seeing that failure is part of the process, it allowed me to reach for more each time, knowing that my best is good enough. Every time. As long as I gave 100%, there was no shame in failing. And the learning associated with that failing allowed me to reach inside for a bit more each time. Until I found I was achieving way beyond what I believed I was capable of because the failures enabled me to learn and improve each time.

So stop holding yourself back. Stop being paralysed by fear. Start failing and learning. One step at a time. Allow yourself to evolve to your highest potential and allow the failures along the way. The world needs you to be your best and that can only happen when you learn to fail.

Putting it into practice

1. Identify an area where you are stuck or hold yourself back.
2. What self-limiting belief are you hanging onto? What failure are you trying to avoid?
3. If you let go of the self-limiting belief and the fear of failure, what one small step will enable you to move towards the end goal?
4. Take that one step. Stop and reflect. Learn from any failure.
5. Try again. Keep going.
6. Post your comments on your successes and failures below.

With love,
Jude. x

You can read more about the impact that the CTI Leadership course had on me in a previous post on Authentic Leadership.

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Stop holding yourself back and start failing

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I was powerless to do anything. I lacked control of the situation. I realised that Dennis is living the life he wants to live and that might be different from what I want for him. He was teaching me a lesson in detachment.

We cannot control anyone or anything although many of us try to do so.  We can’t even control our own lives. We never know what is going to happen. Perhaps you fight with your children about what they should do, the choices that they make? Perhaps you fight with colleagues at work because you believe your way or your idea is better?

Where are you trying to make things happen in a particular way?

How attached are you to a specific outcome?

We all have different ideas of what a fulfilling life looks like or how a job should be done. Dennis chose to trek across fields for 9 days. I doubt he was worried about us. I’m guessing that he was feeling the joy of being fully alive and free and connected to his environment. I’m happy that he chose to do that, even though it means I missed him terribly. I’m also guessing that his reason for turning up again was that he missed being loved. And I’m delighted he came home.

I like to think I have everything under control. Thanks to Dennis, I was reminded that I don’t. I don’t own him. I can’t control him. I find this difficult. I like to think my family are tucked up in bed at night and safe. I can do things to influence it and I can’t make it happen. Just as I can’t control the decisions that anyone in my life makes, whether they are family, friends, work colleagues or even strangers in the street.

I love that we are all unique, that we have different opinions and ideas. Diversity is what makes life interesting. That doesn’t mean we have to keep quiet. It’s important to speak our truth and it’s equally as important to be detached from a specific outcome. Allowing things to evolve and unfold naturally. Without force. Gently.

Putting it into practice

1. Identify a relationship in your life where you are trying to control, where you really want a specific outcome. Perhaps it is your partner, one of your children or a work colleague.
2. Ask them what they want from the situation.
3. Tell them what you want. Be detached from needing to have them be who you want them to be.
4. Allow them to be who they are and embrace their difference.
5. Post your comments below.

Being detached from the outcome is one of the hardest things we can do. And it is liberating. Now I know that Dennis is staying around because he wants to. Because he loves us. And the more I allow him his freedom, the more he wants to hang around.

Stop pushing your family and friends away. Embrace them for who they are and allow them to make the choices they want to make. Your relationships will be richer for it.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

A lesson in detachment

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I was asked that a few months ago. My immediate reaction was to say that I always speak the truth, that honesty and integrity are important. Blah blah blah. You can guess the rest. You probably say it yourself.

And at the same time, I realised I had some resistance to the question. So I’ve been looking at the truth and how I live my life. And I’ve been living a lie. Of course there are lies and there are lies. I like to justify how I’ve been. No doubt you will too.

Because this is the painful truth. The hard truth. The sort of truth that freedom brings. It’s not easy.

Speaking your truth means saying what you think. It means saying no when you don’t want to do something. Without having to justify it. No I don’t want to come to your party. Instead of, well I would but I have to do blah blah blah…. and out come all the excuses in the world which aren’t really true.

I’m suggesting that perhaps there are times when you hold back from sharing your opinion because it is not the popular opinion or because you fear the impact.  Perhaps you are afraid of being ridiculed, misunderstood, controversial. Perhaps you are afraid of rejection.

Perhaps you want to be liked so you don’t want to rock the boat. So you deny yourself the ability to go against the tide. You deny yourself the ability to be individual, wise. You hide away that new perspective from yourself and from others.

You’re not being a leader.

Leaders lead. That means they go first and others follow. It can be challenging to be first, to go out on a limb and not know whether you will fall.

How truthful are you about yourself? Do you beat yourself up when you get things wrong? Do you judge yourself harshly? Perhaps you are even afraid to think the truth.

More recently, I’ve been speaking my truth. And yet I know I am still holding back in some areas. I’m stepping out more and saying things I never used to say, learning to disagree. In a gentle, confident, unattached way. More from a place of wanting to love and connect with the person. Wanting them to understand me and wanting to understand them.

And surprise surprise, people welcome it. The truth provides an opportunity for greater intimacy and connection. Conversations become real. And rich. Deep and meaningful. From the heart. Powerful and with impact.

Where do you hold back from speaking your truth?

What is not being said?

Putting it into practice

1. Notice where you hold back. How do you know when you are holding back? You probably feel a physical sensation somewhere in your body.
2. Breathe into that sensation. What do you want to say?
3. What is stopping you from saying it?
4. Let go of trying to look good and allow yourself to connect through the truth.

Speak your truth. Connect with love.

Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Speaking your truth

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It can provide clarity and focus on what you want to achieve as well as who you want to be in the world.

I created one which helps me connect with the essence of me, who I am, what I stand for, my role as a leader in the world. It defines who I am being as much as it defines what I want to do. 

It’s a representation of my core values – freedom, love, connection and playfulness. It has a strong outdoor, natural feel to it and a connection with the diverse world we live in.

When I look at it, I can’t help but smile. I feel so connected to what I want in my life, the experiences I want to have and who I want to be in the world. It reminds me of who I really am.

I’ve put it on the wall in my home office where I can look at it at the beginning of every day ands it really helps inspire me on my way.

What are the benefits of creating a vision board?

You may be thinking you’re too busy to do it, you’ll do it another day, you don’t see the point, you’re not sure what to do it on, etc etc. The thing is…  if you want to be really fulfilled in your life, then you need to know what that looks like and you need to start making it happen.

Here are my 9 reasons why you should create a vision board:

1. It enables you to connect to the essence of who you are and what you stand for
2. It can be an inspiration for the choices you make and enable you to make decisions from your heart and soul, rather than your head. You can connect with what you really want rather than what you think you should do or believe is the best thing to do.
3. It enables you to tap into your creativity to design your life how you want it to be
4. It can increase the clarity around what you want in your life
5. It can be an inspiration to keep going under adversity
6. It can help break a bad mood or lift your spirits
7. It enables you to see when you are disconnected from your true self and being driven by external factors or the ego
8. It can help you reconnect and refocus to your goals and dreams, as well as who you are at your core
9. If you have a life purpose statement, you can align the vision board with your life purpose statement to increase your clarity and deepen your focus

You can also use a vision board to help you gain clarity and focus on something more specific, e.g. your next house, a book you want to write, a new business idea, etc.

Putting it into practice:

1. Find 2-3 magazines on different topics that you find interesting and some photos of your past and present that inspire you.  Let go of needing them to make sense at this stage. Don’t try to figure it out. Just pick the things that you resonate with.
2. Then go through each magazine/photo and cut out the pictures and words or phrases that inspire you. Consider what each picture represents in your life or your chosen topic.  What’s the emotion that it invokes? Get really focused on this and shut out all other thoughts from your mind as you do it.
3. Stick your chosen pictures and words on a sheet of paper or card approx. 60cm x 45 cm or bigger if you wish. You can also add drawings or paint or a pictorial representation of a song that has meaning for you. Let your creativity run riot.
4. Pin it on your wall and look at it every day. Or you could take a photo of it and use it as a screensaver or background to your desktop.

So if you don’t already have one, start today. And if you do already have one, review it today. Does it still represent who you are and what you want? Make the most of this precious life.  It’s yours to design however you want it.

Remember, you get out what you put in. Make it worth your while.

Please let me and other readers know how you get on by posting your comments below.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

9 reasons why you should create a vision board

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It’s easy to blame the other person. If they would only do x, then everything would be fine. They may think the same of us. It’s always someone else’s problem, someone else who has to take the lead, someone else who has to change their behaviour and that’s where relationships break down.

Well the thing is….. the only person that you can change is you. 

Two co-leaders, one voice

I’m doing a year long Leadership programme.  We did an exercise on the first day and there was one person that I did not connect with. I could have walked away and not made an effort with her. Instead, we had an open and frank discussion and increased our understanding of each other. That was the first step.

Since then, we’ve been working together, sharing ideas, challenges, being vulnerable together, learning together. Leaning in to the relationship.

And it’s paid off. Yesterday we ran our first teleseminar together just two months after meeting for the first time. It was an absolute joy. We danced a beautiful dance, bending and flexing together. We were individuals who allowed each other freedom to be individual and at the same time we collaborated and were one team. Two co-leaders. One voice. And we made an impact on the group.

The relationship could have been very different if we had been different.

I now feel deeply connected to this person. We have created a partnership where we can be truthful, even when it hurts. In a loving and gentle way because we want the best for each other, individually and together. That’s a really powerful relationship to have, a  relationship that will stand the test of time. A relationship where we both champion each other, urge each other on, support each other and are willing to fail together for the sake of wanting to make a difference in the world.

Leaning in

Connections don’t always happen instantly. Sometimes we have to make them work. And the more we put into making a relationship work, the stronger and more powerful it can be.

Living and working with a diverse group of people makes life and work interesting. It generates creativity and innovation. It requires us to lean into to wanting the relationship to work, to let go of blame and judgment.

Our first impressions are often an emotional decision, a split second decision. Then we justify that emotional response with logical reasons. We try to prove to ourselves that we are right and we continue to break relationships down further through our behaviour.

There is another way.

When we stop justifying our behaviour and are willing to lean in, trust and understand others, we build longlasting deep connections with people.

We’re all human and we all want to be loved. Isn’t that the basis for deep connection?

Who could you connect with at a deeper level?

What might be possible when you take the lead and lean in?

Putting it into practice

1. Identify someone that you work with that you don’t connect well with.
2. Spend time with them.
3. Be curious about who they are, what makes them tick.
4. Ask them for help with something.
5. Notice the impact on the relationship.

With love,
Jude. x

This article was inspired by my new dog, Pepsi. When I met her this morning for the first time, we instantly connected and I knew she would be mine. The previous dog I saw I didn’t connect with. We rejected each other. Perhaps she felt my rejection. Perhaps if I had made more of an effort, she would have done too.

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Leaders make connections

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I was willing to give it a go so over the last 2 days, I’ve been writing lyrics. Already I have lyrics to 5 songs and I have 101 other ideas whizzing around my head and lots of potential lines.

So now I have a notebook and I’m scribbling furiously.  I’m overwhelmed by how many songs there are in me. I’m really enjoying it and yet it’s also exhausting. My mind is so full of words and songs and is whizzing around so quickly that it’s all jumbled. All mixed up. Chaos. Confusion. The frenetic activity of my mind is exhausting me. And I just want to turn off my brain for a few minutes. 

Today I sat down to write my blog. Too many words and songs again. Too much noise. Impossible to think.

I know that this is an old behaviour for me. I’ve spent much of my life doing too much, rushing about and trying to cram everything into one day.

More recently, I’ve let go of a lot of the stuff I was doing. I’ve been creating space to really live my life and enjoy every moment. Now the things I spend my time on have real meaning.

So it’s funny how easily I slipped back into an old behaviour and allowed my mind to be over-run again. The volume of thoughts represented the stuff I used to do in a day.

Clarity. That’s what’s required. Slow down. Stop even. When I quieten my mind, I find clarity, my inner peace. I potentially have another 40 years of songwriting ahead of me if I wish. It doesn’t all have to be done today. It’s time to let it evolve naturally. Nothing forced. Gentle. Spacious. Easy and fun.

Where in your life are you moving too fast?

What happens when you quieten your mind?

Putting it into practice

1. Notice when you are busy. What happens in your body?
2. Slow down this week. Be really conscious of the speed you are living your life. Quieten your mind.
3. What will you let go of in order to allow you to focus on the things with real meaning?

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Quieten the mind

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