When we make a mistake, we can choose to see it as an opportunity for future growth and personal development or we can choose to see it as a failure. I have to remember that because it’s easy to forget.

I had my first singing lesson yesterday. I was a bit nervous because I’d never sung in front of anyone before. My teacher recorded my voice so I could take the recording away and listen to it and learn from it. When I listen back to me singing, I hear all the tuning errors (there were more than I thought there would be!!!). I hear all the things that I do with my voice that I don’t want to do.

In my head, I know how I want it to sound and it’s not like it actually sounds! It’s really easy to be critical. I could easily say it sounded terrible. Yet this is not a persepctive that serves me well. It’s the perspective that is most likely to make me want to give up.

Instead, I’m choosing another perspective…. in fact, several perspectives.

The first perspective is enjoyment and fun. I really enjoyed myself and had fun. From this perspective, it doesn’t really matter whether I sing in tune or not. The point is that I went along, sang and really enjoyed myself. It was so much fun. That makes me want to go back and try again. It’s a perspective that means the end result is not that important. I’m not planning to release an album or anything so as long as I have fun and my teacher doesn’t fire me, then why not go back and continue to have fun? That feels so liberating.

My second perspective is learning and growth. I’m just starting and have a lot to learn and I’m excited about where I’m going with this new journey.  I heard that I have a good tone, with some colour and opportunity to develop it much more. It’s a perspective that means there is more out there for me. That feels really empowering, like it’s opening up the possibilities. That anything (and nothing) is possible. It is whatever it is. The focus is on the growth and the journey.

My third perspective is liberation from failure. I was more confident that I expected to be; I was more willing to make a mess of it than I normally am in other situations. This feels like I’m growing in different ways. In fact, maybe that’s my first lesson…. not to improve my singing but to let go of needing to be good at something. Now that’s liberating. To just enjoy the experience and not have to achieve anything. No goal. Just pure pleasure.

Those 3 perspectives serve me so much better. Now I feel empowered, liberated, excited, open to having pure simple fun for no other reason than the simple pleasure of it.  How much more empowering that is than the original  (albeit very brief) perspective of: “that was terrible, I might as well give up”  which just feels draining and pointless.

So for now, I’m happily singing out of tune. I’m having fun. I hope to improve. I’m sure I can. I’m trusting that I will. I’m excited about my next lesson. More than that, I’m busting through an old pattern of behaviour that used to have me focussing on my failures. Now I’m choosing a different perspective… one that serves me much better, one that opens up my world. How liberating that is.

What perspective is no longer serving you?

What perspective would you like to have?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider where you beat yourself up.
2. What perspective do you have about that situation?
3. What other perspective would serve you better?
4. Do let me know how you get on by sharing your comments.

If you want to know more about perspectives and how they can help bust through old patterns of behaviour and ways of thinking, feel free to contact me to discuss.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Exploring different perspectives

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Stop.

Reflect.

What do you want in your life?

What is in your life that no longer serves you?

With a global transformation already underway, now is a great time to transform your own life too. Of course, the safe option is to continue to do what you’ve always done and for many people that means running around like a headless chicken with barely a chance to breathe.  When the old ways of doing are no longer serving you, it’s time to make choices about what you want in your life and what you want to let go of.

The song “Unwritten“  sung by Natasha Bedingfield speaks of writing our own book of life:

“I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”

Putting it into practice:

1. Identify 3-5 things that you really want in your life. What do you need to say No to to allow these things to come into or to stay in your life?
2. Make a list of things that are in your life that you don’t want. What will you say No to?

Only when you know what you want in your life can you start to live a life of fulfilment.

What wil you write in your book?

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Transform your life

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“I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside.” so sang Whitney Houston in her song “Greatest love of all”.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KjpyHX7X-o

Michelle Obama definitely stood for that yesterday when she spoke to the girls. Her speech was simple and from the heart.

She told the girls that: “There are diamonds like you all over the world….”

and “we are counting on every single one of you to be the best that you can be”

and “You too can control your own destiny, please remember that.”

Simple yet powerful words. They moved me to tears. When all around us is chaos, we are “the diamonds” who can change it. It’s up to each and everyone of us “to be the best (we) can be”.

What are you doing to be the best you can be?

How sparkling is your diamond?

Michelle Obama moved herself to tears as she spoke allowing her emotions to be the language of her soul. She was a true role model for women and girls all around the world, showing us that we can be feminine and strong, powerful and gentle, confident and vulnerable all at the same time.

It’s time to shine our light and step up to being who we know we can be. The world needs us.

Melanie Dewberry-Jones, an amazing coach and speaker often says: “Just do you.” That’s all there is to it.

As the song says: “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.”

With love,
Jude.x

Leaders by Nature

Post from: Leaders By Nature

The future leaders are here now

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This week’s blog is inspired by the song Greatest Day by Take That. Right click on the link below to launch the video in a new window.

Greatest day by Take That

I woke up this morning singing this song and I can’t get it out of my head.

As the song says: “Today this could be the greatest day of our lives”

As soon as I started singing it this morning, I felt cheerful and full of hope. I knew that today was going to be great. As the day draws to an end, I notice how singing this song in my head throughout the day has influenced how my day went and how I responded to things that came up.

Most of us have had that Monday morning feeling where we don’t want to go to work. Those are often the days where everything seems to go wrong. We have incredible power over how our day goes. We can create the outcome through the way we think and behave.

What outcome do you want to create in your day?

I’ve had a great day. It was notable for the way I felt rather than the things I did because I approached the day as though it was the greatest day of my life so far.

What if you lived every day behaving as though it was the greatest day of your life?

How might you be different?

“And the world comes alive….”

Many of us are returning to work on 5^th Jan after some time off and I know many of us will have that Monday morning feeling. How about choosing how your day unfolds and creating the life you want?

Try it every day for a week and let me know how you get on.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Greatest day of your life

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“Flying without Wings” by Westlife inspired my blog post this week. Right click on the link below to open the Youtube video in a separate window:

Flying without wings by Westlife

I’m excited about 2009. I’ve decided not to set goals and New Year’s resolutions. Instead, I have high hopes and incredible dreams that I intend to turn into reality. I have some coaching and business ideas that I plan to launch and the thought of them is just thrilling.

“You’ve got to fight for every dream
Cos who’s to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete”

What are your hopes and dreams for 2009?

Right now, every newspaper, magazine and TV programme is encouraging you to improve in some way… to lose weight, stop smoking, get fitter, be happier and so on. A goal or New Year’s resolution can sometimes feel like a chore when it’s driven by what you think you should be doing.

Hopes and dreams are something special; they make your eyes shine with excitement and your heart sing with joy.

What will really make your eyes shine and your heart sing in 2009?

What do you really hope and dream for?

Concentrate on this and go for it with all your heart and soul! Every day, take a step towards it.

As the song say: “Everybody’s looking for that something. One thing that makes it all complete”

We can sometimes get caught up in chasing something in a belief that when we have it, everything will be perfect. Amongst all this dreaming and goal setting, it’s important to remember that life happens right here right now in the present. This moment is reality.

What is here right now that makes your eyes shine and your heart sing?

Right now, my dog Gracie is snoring at my feet, my cat Dennis is out hunting for mice, my husband Paul is cooking dinner and I’m writing my blog. Life just does not get better than this.

“I’m flying without wings”

Identify thrilling hopes and dreams to move towards in 2009 and enjoy every step of the way, including now. The present really is a gift.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Hopes, dreams and reality

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Right click on the link below to open the music that inspired this article:

Music of the night from Phantom of the Opera

Last weekend, I was assisting on a coaching course. One of the main topics covered was to explore the things we don’t like about ourselves and face up to them. We spend extraordinary amounts of energy avoiding things we don’t like.

For me, I don’t like anger and I don’t like to be insecure or unsafe. This means I spend a lot of energy avoiding anger both in myself and in others and I’ll do anything to avoid conflict. The amount of time and energy this takes up is incredible. I also go to great lengths to be safe in many ways. I seek financial security, job security, security in relationships and so on. Trying to avoid being unsafe means I reduce the choices available to me.

What do you go to great lengths to avoid?

What is the impact on your life?

As the song say:
“Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar
And you’ll live as you’ve never lived before …”

On the course, the participants confronted their darkest fears and experienced them, knowing that there was much to be gained from understanding what is at the heart of them. In confronting these fears head on, they experienced their own resourcefulness and ability to deal with whatever came up. I know I can cope with anger when it arises so why not accept it and deal with it at the time instead of wasting so much time and energy avoiding it. It seems so obvious.

If you are not sure what you are avoiding, take a look at the habits you see in others that you don’t like. Often, we deflect onto others the things we can’t be with in ourselves.

What is the behaviour other people display that you can’t be with?

Where in your life do you behave in that way? What do you do to avoid it?

“Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Let your soul take you where you long to be”

When we stop running away from ourselves, we are able to experience every moment of our lives. Only then will we be truly free to lead a fulfilling life.

“Let your dream begin, let your darker side give in…”

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Embracing the darker side

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Hello goodbye by The Beatles

I’ve just spent a lovely weekend in York (England) with my husband and parents-in-law who were celebrating their Golden Wedding Anniversary. After 50 years together, I was interested to understand how they make their relationship work.

My parents-in-law are two very different people with completely different ideas, approaches and personalities. They share many common values and still retain their individuality. They accept themselves and each other for who they are and that makes for an easy relationship.

When we are at ease with ourselves, we can also be at ease with others and our relationships are more harmonious. From this inner peace, our creativity is born.

What is possible when you are at ease with yourself?

What is possible when you are at ease with others?

As the song says: “I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello.”

We are all unique and we are also all the same. As the world we live in becomes more global, our ability to understand and celebrate the diversity of all of us will enable us to live and work in harmony.

What difference will you accept today?

What is unique about you?

Be yourself, embrace diversity and have an easy week.

With love,
Jude. x

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Making life easy

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59th Bridge Street Song by Simon and Garfunkel

Modern society moves at high speed. We drive around in fast cars, we have computers with fast processing speeds that enable us to do more in less time. At work, we have more things to do than is feasibly possible in the time available.

This often leads to long working hours and stress. We often replicate this at home by having a big list of things to do at the weekend, including social activities. We get caught up in trying to do everything. We are doing, doing, doing.

What speed are you going in your life?

As the song says: “Slow down, you move too fast.”

Take a deep breath and slow down. Engage all your senses and get present with where you are right now in this moment. What can you see, hear, feel, taste, smell, sense?

What happens when you slow down?

What is here right now in this moment?

When I slow down, I stop being a machine and become my true creative, warm and loving self. I know what matters to me:

1. My gorgeous husband who I rarely have enough time for
2. My dog – going for walks, having fun together and helping her look after her puppies
3. Coaching and leadership development which are my passions and are the work that I am meant to be doing
4. My family and friends as time spent with them is precious
5. The outdoors, fresh air and exercise
6. Our beautiful diverse planet. Travelling to see remarkable places and meeting amazing people.

These things are beautiful music to me. Anything else is noise. When I slow down, I know that I want more music and less noise in my life. Already I feel as though I have created the space to make this happen.

When you slow down, you create the space to really understand what is important in your life and what is not. It enables you to make conscious choices about what you say “Yes” to and opens up the door to saying “No” to things that are not important. It allows us to be more productive and focus on the things that really matter.

What are you choosing to say yes to?

What are you choosing to say no to?

Try slowing down this week and let me know what you choose.

As the songs says: “Life I love you, All is groovy”.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Choosing your speed

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All about you (the music starts at 1:30)

I’m a volunteer for the Guide Dogs charity and I care for a black Labrador called Gracie who is part of the Guide Dog breeding programme. Each year, Gracie has puppies in our home where they stay for 6-7 weeks until they go off to be trained as Guide Dogs. My job is an easy one but as a volunteer and carer, I understand the importance of the role.

On Friday, I was inspired by the children featured on Children in Need. Tyrone and Vanessa are child carers, helping their mother care for their father who has Multiple Sclerosis. Children in Need provides them with a rare opportunity to spend “me” time away from the home, doing something just for themselves. What strikes me is their ability to receive as well as to give.

Many people care for someone or something. Perhaps you care for your partner, your children or an elderly relative, pets or livestock. In giving to others, we often overlook how important we are ourselves.

“It’s all about you”

What can you do to care for yourself?

How can you prevent yourself from burning out?

When Gracie has her puppies, my life is taken over for 6-7 weeks. I am consumed by caring for her and the puppies for the sake of their welfare and in order to give the puppies a good start in life. I give them so much physically and emotionally and it’s a privilege to be involved. Usually I collapse in a heap at the end of the 6 weeks. Gracie’s next litter is due in Jan 2009 and this time I intend to find time to care for myself as well as the puppies.

It’s important to find the balance between giving and receiving. If we give too much of ourselves, we reach burn-out. If we are unwilling to receive, we deny others the joy of giving.

Who are you denying the joy of giving?

How balanced are you in giving and receiving?

This week, give others the joy of giving and give yourself the gift of receiving.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Giving and receiving

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Right click here to open this week’s song in a new window:

This is the moment

Last week was a major turning point in the history of the world with the appointment of a new US president – a president who will have an impact on all of our lives all around the world. I cried when I heard the news because it felt momentous. It felt as though the world was shifting on its axis… a change in direction that I’ve been yearning for.

What is the change you yearn for?

Obama represents a new kind of leadership – a leadership which comes from the heart, a leadership based on collaboration and teamwork, love and compassion. Yes, results are important and the way we achieve them is equally important.

I’ve never heard anyone talk about love in the workplace. Typically we talk about results and performance. We focus on improvements… on how we can achieve more sales, improve the quality of our services, get a better job, career, promotion, pay rise and how we lead our teams to do the same. We measure our success by our personal gains and compete with others on how much more we’ve achieved, how busy we are, the long hours we work, even how stressed we are.

What if success was measured by the love we give to others or by our own inner peace?

How might that change the way we live our lives?

Gandhi said: “Be the change that you want to see in the world.”

That change starts with all of us.

How will you lead the change you want to see in the world?

As the song goes: “This is the moment! This is the day when I send all my doubts and demons on their way!”

Leadership is about who we are as leaders, how we do things as much as what we do. Let’s lead the change together, collaborating with love and compassion for the sake of the world being in harmony.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Leading the change together

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Celebrate Good Times by Kool and the Gang

Eight years ago, I broke 9 ribs and my shoulder blade in a horse-riding accident and my back will never be the same. Last week, it flared up again and I immediately felt frustrated, focussing on what I couldn’t do. However, I was able to take my dog for a short walk in the sunshine and as we walked across the fields, this song came to me from nowhere.

“Let’s celebrate, it’s all right”

Immediately, I felt grateful for still being able to walk the dog and I had a spring in my step. I focussed on what I had instead of what I have lost. I chose to stand in a different perspective… the perspective of celebration.

What can you celebrate today?

One of the things I notice about working for a large corporation is that we often focus on improving things – be it personal development, transforming the business, increasing sales, reducing cost. When the targets are met, we get “thank you and we must do more”. It can become exhausting.

It’s easy to overlook what we have – our health, our jobs, our colleagues, our family and friends. We often take the most important things for granted and most of us diminish our own achievements.

When my coaching clients succeed at something, I ask them how they are going to celebrate. The first time I ask this, most of them are surprised. It’s not something they normally do.

“Celebrate good times, Come on!”

There are so many different ways to celebrate. The important thing is to do something for yourself that is a pleasure, not a chore. Some examples are cook a meal for friends or a loved one, do a cartwheel, have a relaxing bath with candles, go for a walk, tell someone you love them, sing, dance, listen to your favourite music, buy some new shoes, go out for a meal…. There are so many ways to celebrate and so many reasons to do it.

What are you going to celebrate this week and how will you do it?

What difference does that make to you and those around you?

Enjoy your week of celebration

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Time to celebrate

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A few days later, I was sitting waiting to co-lead my first workshop on values-based leadership when I heard this song playing.

Something inside so strong by Labi Siffre

My ear immediately tuned into “the higher you build your barriers” because that’s what I’d been exploring earlier in the week. Hiding behind barriers is easy to do and yet there I was waiting to run a workshop which required me to open up and be vulnerable.

“Something inside so strong, I know that I can make it”

Somehow these words reminded me to be myself, to be bold, courageous and vulnerable all at the same time. I co-led the workshop from a place of full authenticity. I bared my soul to the room; I dared to fail spectacularly, to look like an idiot, to be rejected and instead I gained only love and understanding from the group.

When you have the courage to be vulnerable, what is available to you?

What do you gain when you let your barriers down?

When we keep personal barriers up to protect ourselves, we keep other people out and risk being misunderstood by those around us. That can lead to conflict and disharmony.

“Something inside so strong” was written by Labi Siffre as an anti-Apartheid anthem. I feel strongly about world peace. I want to do something to resolve conflict in the world and I feel compelled to change things for the better. Perhaps that change starts with me. When I let down my barriers and become better understood, I’m at peace with myself as well as those around me. Perhaps that’s the start of world peace?

What is it like to be at peace with yourself?

What’s available to you from this place of peace?

I coach people who are looking for peace – with themselves, in their relationships, in the workplace and in the world at large. My clients all share one thing in common. Although many of them do not know it when they first come to me, they are all bold, courageous and vulnerable. That’s where we connect on a deep level and I believe that’s where the peace begins – for us as individuals and for the world as a whole.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

No barriers to peace

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At first glance, it seems quite superficial, all about girls dressing up and being seen. But strangely I find myself drawn to it.

I confess I would never be able to walk in “5 inch heels”, I don’t own “a little black dress” and I really do not advocate “making grown men cry”. This all seems reminiscent of the 80s and 90s when women were power dressing to be taken seriously in the boardroom. Surely we’ve moved on from that?

Last week I was told by a friend that my first blog was less business-like than they had seen me before. Perhaps I’ve been hiding behind the armour of being “business-like” so that I can be taken seriously.

What armour are you wearing?

What does it take to reveal the real you?

It’s easy to hide behind armour. It’s much harder to step forward and show off our talents. As the song says:

“Step aside I got a starring role
Camera, Action, Here we go
Tonight we rule the world, beware cos here come the girls”

What’s your “starring role” that you are meant to play?

What happens when you step out into the light?

Come on everyone, it’s your time. Stop playing small, throw off the armour and step out into the world.

The world needs you.

It seems as though there was a lot in that song after all. I’m glad I took the time to go past the superficial first glance.

Where do you miss out on making a connection when you stop at the first glance?

When you look past the superficial top coat and make a deeper connection with someone, what happens?

With love,
Jude. x

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Playing your starring role

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I’m inspired by many people, things, leaders, nature, music, things people have said or done.

This post was inspired by the song Love can build a bridge by The Judds. Right click on the link below to open the Youtube video in a new window:

Love can build a bridge by The Judds

Whose love are you taking for granted?

The first time I heard this music, it touched my soul. I hope it touches yours too.

When I hear this song, it reconnects me to my husband who I love with all my heart. After 17 years of marriage, I love him more each day and I would “walk across the desert with no shoes upon my feet” to show him how much I love him, though thankfully he doesn’t expect me to!

What a gift it is to love so deeply and be loved in return. In our busy lives, it’s so easy to forget and take love for granted.

Whose love are you taking for granted?

How can you connect more deeply with your loved ones and what is the impact?

Imagine a world where everyone tried to understand everyone else first and put their opinions across second. Instead of war and conflict, there would be only love and peace. That seems fairly radical yet we can all make a difference in our every day lives.

Where do you have conflict in your life?

When you come from a position of love, what is the impact?

Try it and let me know how you get on.

As the song says: “love and only love can join the tribes of man…. The first step is to realise that it all begins with you and me”.

Together, with love, we will make a difference to our beautiful world.

Thanks to Ronnie Clifford for helping me tap into my inner soul and inspire me to do this blog and Sharon Hall who introduced me to a beautiful piece of music that touched my soul. With all my heart, thank you both.

What music touches you?

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Love and only love

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