It’s ok. You’re wired to have feelings and you don’t need to be held hostage by them. And yet often that’s exactly what happens.

And when it does, emotions can get in the way, unless you are using them wisely to support what you want to achieve.

Well, the good news is that you don’t need to stay stuck with the emotion that first comes up!

The impact of emotions

In the last few days, I’ve had a few friends experience some challenges in their lives – death of a family member, relationship breakdowns, exam stress. I notice how I get caught up in the sadness of my friends. In wanting to be there for them, I start to feel their sadness. Except it’s not mine to hold and own. It’s theirs. It’s my role to be there for them as a friend, to support them when I’m with them, to have compassion for what they are experiencing and to continue with my own life which is pretty good right now!

As a leader, you need to be able to balance supporting people in the midst of a major emotion and being able to change the emotional field so that you and the team can continue to be productive.

Changing emotions

Yesterday, I started the day feeling cheerful about the day ahead. When I got the email that my friend’s mother had died, I felt her sadness and I lost my cheery happiness. Bang. Gone just like that. Except it wasn’t. I consciously chose to shift my energy back because I knew that if I stayed stuck with the sadness, I would not be able to achieve what I want to achieve that day. I could still be there for my friend and support her and I could do this without owning her sadness as my own.

So I played some cheerful music and recovered back to how I felt at the beginning of the day. The important thing was that I made a conscious choice. I chose not to stay with the sadness. I chose to recover back to myself and my own experience for the sake of making a difference.

And you can do it too. If you sit in meetings that are boring, you are part of creating that boring energy. Notice it. Change it. Break it up with humour, or change seat, stand up, sit down. do whatever it takes to energise yourself. Find your passion. Dig deep if you must but don’t stay stuck in a boring meeting.

Putting it into practice

1. What’s the predominant emotion in your life or team?
2. What’s the emotion and perspective that you want to feel to create success in this moment?
3. Change it! I know this sounds simple and it isn’t if you’ve been stuck for a while. It is however a practice so just like an olympic athlete, you can start with practice, practice, practice!
4. Post your comments below or send me an email with how you get on.

I know that this can be challenging and I know that it can be done. If you want to make a difference in life and work, start by being conscious of your default responses and trying something new.

Go on, give it a go!

If you need help doing this, call me to discuss how my one day Leadership with Horses workshops can help you identify the emotions that you are suppressing and find new ways to express them or let them go. My horse Kalle is just brilliant at this work!

With love,
Jude. x

If you’ve ever been on a team where that was true, you’ll know how rewarding that really is. To feel so empowered, so free to get on with whatever you need to do and so supported when the going gets tough.

One of the challenges as a leader is to be able to respond to different situations and different people according to their needs, so that the team are able to perform at their optimum. 

Just as a conductor of an orchestra will bring the various parts of the team in at the key moments, listening for where things are going well and encouraging to keep everyone on track.

The impact of micro- management

I once worked for a manager who micro-managed me. It drove me crazy. I felt constrained and criticised and stifled. The impact was that I became really ineffective because whenever I did anything, he was there telling me what to do and how to do it.

He meant well. He wanted me and the team to succeed. Yet in his desire for success, his focus was on everyone doing everything his way. There was no room for personal creativity or innovation and definitely no opportunity to find my own way. It was an environment in which I could not thrive. Of all the jobs I ever did, it was the one where I had the potential to excel and actually delivered the least.

How much space do you allow your team for personal creativity?

Sometimes, a desire to achieve and the pressure from above can cause leaders to take their responsibilities so seriously that they stifle the way people are working, without even realising it. It’s certainly not their intention but it can happen.

If you’re not getting the results you want, then you may need to consider trying a different way. When you lead consciously and with awareness of your impact, you can keep modifying your own leadership style until you get the results you need.

Leadership doesn’t mean you have to be out in front leading the way and telling people what to do. Leadership is a way of being as much as the things that you say and do. It’s how you inspire and motivate people that counts, the vision you have, the enthusiasm, the desire to achieve, the compassion you have in supporting others, the skills you have in navigating differences of opinion so that the needs of everyone get met.

Leadership is about creating the right energy that enables the team to go beyond your wildest dreams. I always say that we are only limited by how big we dare dream. So think about your dream team. Let your imagination expand your horizons of what is possible.

Putting it into practice

1. Identify your vision. Be clear about where you are going, why, and the impact of achieving it.
2. Co-create clear goals and objectives with buy-in from the team and sponsors.
3. Communicate with clarity and compassion.
4. Give space for individual and team creativity. Lead without force.
5. Please share your ideas in the comments below on how you balance being engaged and supportive without interfering.

Your team might not produce exactly what you envisage. They just might blow your mind with how outstanding they can be with just the right kind of leadership.

Lead well.

With love,
Jude. x

We’ve spent the last month getting to know each other and develop our connection, based on trust and mutual respect.

When she first arrived, she was a little scared. A new home, a new leader, a new routine. Sound familiar? She needed to know that I was ok, that she was safe around me, that she could trust me to lead her and not hurt her.

Very similar to a new team member or a new leader. It takes time to trust, to build rapport and gain respect.

Learning to trust

As I’ve never owned a horse before, I was a little wary of her. She’s 16.2 hands high which is big! She’s strong, powerful and has an opinion. And I’m expected to step in and lead her without knowing her, without knowing what she likes and what she doesn’t. Just as we are expected to do every day of our working lives.

At first, it was challenging. She headbutted me out of the way. She didn’t respect me and she didn’t trust me.

Then I realised that I didn’t fully trust her either. I was scared she might hurt me so I was holding back. I’ve heard that a lot from clients. They say “He/she doesn’t trust me”. When I ask them how much they trust the person in return, they realise that they don’t trust the other party either.

Aha, no wonder. Neither party trusts the other. Stalemate. So who is going to take the lead?

Leading through change

If you know you want something different, you need to take the lead and be the first one to make a change. That means make a change to your own behaviour first, rather than expecting the other person to change.

With my horse, I decided that she was genuinely kind and gentle and did not intend to hurt me. I had to trust her before she could trust me. I had to trust that I was safe with her and trust that I could gain her respect and confidence, even though I knew little about her.

The minute I changed, the relationship changed and it’s growing stronger by the day.

I’ve taken time just to get to know her. I’ve had moments where I got focussed on the task in hand and I went too fast. She soon told me with her behaviour and I’ve learned to slow down, to stay connected to her and her needs and keep her with me, moving forwards.

Who do you want to build a better relationship with?

What change do you need to make?

Most people (and horses) don’t intentionally want to hurt us, even if it sometimes appears that way. IF you feel under attack, consider that the other person may be trying to keep themself safe. What if that were true? How might you help them feel safe?

Putting it into practice

1. Identify a relationship that you would like to improve.
2. How much do you trust that person?
3. What if you trusted that they meant you no harm, that they were just trying to keep themself safe?
4. What if you trusted yourself enough to handle whatever comes up?
5. What is different then?
6. Share your comments below on how you get on.

If you want to develop better relationships, in work or life, check out our Leadership with Horses workshops. They can be tailored to meet your needs and are suitable for individuals or teams. One thing you can be sure of: it will change the way you lead forever.

With love,
Jude. x

But something felt wrong.

I came away feeling unsettled. I felt manipulated in some way and it was so subtle that I can’t put my finger on what it was.

The definition of manipulate is: “to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner”

Unfair manner. Ouch. That doesn’t sound much like authentic and powerful leadership. 

I feel uncomfortable when I know someone is trying a “technique” on me, when they say and do something that is designed to make me respond in a particular way. It means that they have a hidden agenda that has an impact on me, whether I realise it or not.

That sits really badly with me. Whether it is to sell me something or make me do something or respond in a particular way, it seems to take away my freedom of choice and it feels manipulative.

I prefer honesty, integrity, clarity and transparency.

I want to have the freedom to make my own choices and to honour the freedom of others to make their own choices too; to say “what do you have to offer?” and share what I want in return and see how we can co-create something that meets the needs of everyone and is in service of a greater good.

That for me is true leadership. Therein lies trust, mutual respect and collaboration. It requires clarity. Clarity of what you want, clarity of what I want and clarity to communicate it so that we both have a common understanding. And a willingness to work together to meet the needs of both of us, even when we appear not to agree.

Leadership requires an open heart, a willingness to be vulnerable, to dance with whatever and whoever comes your way, in a way that honours and respects you and them.

It takes practice and it feels very different from manipulation and hidden agendas. It feels more empowering and alive. It requires a consciousness of what you say and do and the impact of that. It’s influential.

Putting it into practice

1. Where might you be manipulating someone or something?
2. What’s your hidden agenda?
3. Where are you attached to a specific outcome?
4. What’s your real need behind all of that?
5. Be transparent about your real need, ask for help in meeting it and listen to the needs of the other party. Collaborate together to meet the needs of everyone.
6. Please share your thoughts and experience below.

By leading consciously and with integrity, we can transform the way we live and work. One person at a time, one moment at a time.

I aim to have an open heart in every interaction. I believe it’s the only way to build connections that stand the test of time and a place where rich dialogue can occur without judgment. It makes a difference.

What’s your first step?

With love,
Jude. x

Nature accepts the seasonal change and flows naturally with it. No fight, no force, no resistance. Natural harmony and flow.

For human beings however, change is often something we resist. Change can be scary. It takes you out of your comfort zone. It requires you to step into the unknown, to stop one thing and start another. You may be unsure of the outcome. 

Change happens. Sometimes you instigate it, like a change of job role or career. Sometimes you don’t, like an accident or illness, a company reorganisation or re-structure that finds you out of work.

How well do you respond to change?

How much of a fight do you put up?

You can feel alone…

Just over a year ago, I left my successful corporate career of 16 years to make my business full-time. It was the scariest change I’ve ever done and the most fulfilling too. I have had to ask for help a lot. I mean a lot! I’ve been coaching and leading for years so the work I do comes naturally but running a business was completely new.

I went from being supported by a cast of 400,000 other employees in a global corporation to being a cast of one. That’s a big shift. I felt alone. Alone at a time of enormous change.

And that’s often how it feels in the midst of change. You think you are alone. You’re the only one going through it. For example, you start a new role, you have your first child, you set up your business, you adapt to a company reorganisation and you’re unsure what it means for you.

… or you can ask for help

Millions of people are undergoing change everyday, from the minor to the major changes that happen. You are not alone. In my case, I quickly built a supportive network of friends, family, coaches, leaders, business owners and mentors who can help me out every step of the way.

I’m in the business of change. Every day I work with leaders who want to up their game, who want to create change or adapt to change with ease so that you can be the best you can be in the world and for the world. That means looking at how you lead in work and life and making behavioural change to adapt. That can be scary if you go it alone and fabulously fulfilling if you do it with support along the way.

What’s the change that scares you right now?

Who is supporting you along the way?

If you find yourself complaining about things that are changing, it may be time to stop resisting and start asking for help.

Putting it into practice

1. Consider what is changing around you. What change wants to happen that you are resisting?
2. Feel the resistance. The stronger it is, the more you actually want the change.
3. What’s the impact of resisting and staying where you are?
4. What’s the benefit of going with the flow with ease?
5. Ask for help. Repeatedly. If this is a challenge for you, ask for help once every day until it becomes easy.
6. Please post your comments below on your tips for adapting to change.

Dare to lead in work and life with courage. It’s the best way to live a life of fulfilment.

If you want help transforming yourself, your life, your business, contact me today to discuss a tailor made leadership or coaching package to meet your needs.

With love,
Jude. x

I’ve been sitting with the emotions for more than a week, allowing them to be here, knowing that we are in the midst of change, noticing that the natural response is to either stop the change or speed it up and shape it.

I’ve just wanted to be with it and be curious about it to understand what is trying to emerge and to understand what I can learn from this. Here is what I notice and what I understand the riots mean for us in every day life and work. 

Sporadic violence representing tension

The recent riots seemed sporadic and random and seem to me to represent the tension, discontent and unease that exists in the world today. In the last 6-7 months, we’ve experienced civil unrest in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya, Syria, Somalia, a gunman in Norway who killed at least 93 people and last week, riots in London and other major UK cities, resulting in 5 people dying.

Suddenly, the tension that has existed elsewhere in the world is closer to home and I feel shaken and insecure. All around me, the tension rises further as numerous voices erupt, also sporadically, seemingly from nowhere, myself included, all trying to make some sense of it all, trying to return to normality, whatever that means.

Listening to the voices of the system

There are the voices of those who say we need to listen to the rioters, that they are the disadvantaged in society crying out to be heard, the voices of politicians and the masses who say that the looting was “pure opportunism, pure criminality”, David Cameron (UK Prime Minister) who said we should “throw the rule book away” leading to tougher sentences, that the criminals should lose all rights to housing benefits and be forced out of their homes.

To those who are unfamiliar with systems theory, let me try and explain. For those who are, forgive my clumsy attempts at articulating a complex subject.

Any group acts as a system, Our society is a system. Your family is a system, your team at work, the company you work for. These are all systems. There are always multiple voices in a system so when I speak up in my family, I may be speaking on my own behalf and I may also be voicing a view that is “within the system”, a view that may be shared by others in the family too.

Openness and curiosity versus tension and violence

When we have an environment of openness and curiosity, we allow all the voices in the system to be heard. This is called Deep Democracy, which doesn’t mean that everyone has to agree. It means that we allow all the voices to be heard, including the minority ones.

When we shut down a voice within a system, it creates tension, sometimes seen, sometimes hidden beneath the surface, and that tension continues to exist and continues to pop up naturally all over the place. So the more we shut the voices down, the more violent those voices become.

Think back to Apartheid in South Africa and the work of the ANC. Nelson Mandela tried to advocate peaceful means to make the voice of the blacks be heard but the more the voice was shut down, the more he lived underground in hiding and the more he had to fight to be heard. Eventually, Mandela became a freedom fighter, a terrorist. He resorted to violence because the voice that he represented was not being heard. The rest of course is history.

That’s what happens when we shut down minority opinions. They don’t go away, they just get louder. 

Where are you representing a minority voice in a system?

Where are you shutting down a minority voice in a system?

Multiple voices going unheard

Interestingly, after the riots, there is another parallel to be drawn with the way we as a nation are responding. As always, there are multiple voices in the system and they are largely going unheard. We have the politicians who condemn the rioters, the police who are angry with the politicians for claiming credit for restoring order to the streets of London, community leaders who are calling for the voices of the rioters to be heard, those who want to make sense of it all and resolve the issue, those who believe that the perceived lack of morality, respect and integrity starts at the top because the bankers and politicians have been too greedy, causing a greater divide and “looting” in their own way from the general public.

And many many other voices too. Each one trying to persuade others that they are right. Their voice has more value than the other.

And I notice with curiosity that those who have been arrested seem to be quiet. Their voices are largely unspoken again which is interesting, isn’t it. And I wonder what that means and what the impact of that will be.

What I also notice is how much anger there is on all fronts, how many people are looking for someone to blame or someone to fix it all. All the voices are shouting at once and nobody seems to be hearing other points of view, most people want to resolve the situation and there are multiple opinions and ways of doing this. And talking without listening seems to be deepening the tension.

The voice of fear

Fear plays a big part in what is being expressed and how it is being expressed. I notice in myself the desire to leap in and make everything better, for justice and equality within society, for all the various groups, how I want to feel safe and I want everyone to feel safe too.

When we don’t listen and we shut down each other’s voices, we create tension. I feel that in my body. I’m not sure if my own voice is being heard, understood. So much of the voices in this particular system seem to come from fear. Fear of not being heard, understood. Fear of being with an alternative point of view.

It can be challenging to be with points of view that oppose our own and that is what is being required right now because there are so many voices and so many views, each one of them holding some truth.

I know that most people are trying their best to express themselves in the only way they know how, me included, and I also see how those voices are misrepresented, misheard, misunderstood at times.

It’s a vulnerable place to be to express an opinion and not be heard, to not be understood and I know I can increase how forceful I am when I am not being heard. Pushing. Indeed, I feel a slight tension now as I write this. What if I am misunderstood? What if I am rejected for a viewpoint?

In fact, that’s the risk I take when I (you/we) open myself up and speak my truth, from my own perspective, knowing that I am one voice in the system too. I speak for me and for others in the system. That’s important. Essential even. And I hope that you, the reader, will read this with curiosity and an open heart in a desire to understand what is happening in our system right now.

Uniting in trust and curiosity

For when we unite in our curiosity and understanding, there is a place of unity and differences of opinion can live in harmony, side by side. We are just here now, in this moment, trying to do our best for humanity and the world, however misguided we can be from time to time.

I trust and I hope that these events open me yet further through curiosity and allow me to lead with openness and willingness to be with those things that feel uncomfortable. I’m willing myself to remain conscious, conscious of my own perspective, conscious of my impact and the thoughts and feelings of others too, that we may come to a deeper understanding of how to live and work together in harmony in the world, with mutual respect. That means we respect each other and different points of view, including the ones we don’t agree with.

Easy to say and so much more difficult to do every minute of every day, in every relationship.

Right now, we need compassion too. Compassion for ourselves and compassion for each other. Whilst we try to articulate ourselves with beautiful clarity, so often communication is clumsy and we can be misunderstood. Our words and deeds are interpreted from a different perspective which means they do not always have the impact that we intended.

Maybe that is happening right here now with these words. And that pains me, for I want so badly to be understood and heard, just like every one else does too.

How does this relate to life in general and the workplace?

In organisations everywhere, executive teams blame workers for not selling enough, not delivering well enough and those workers blame the leaders for a lack of “leadership”. What is really happening is a failure to listen and understand each others’ perspectives.

It’s easy to see things from your own point of view, the one where you stand right now. Perhaps you are the senior leader or executive who has risen to a senior position and no longer understand what happens on the front line?

Perhaps you are at the front line, not understanding the challenges and responsibility of leading a large organisation?

Or maybe you work in a complex organisation, with multiple teams with conflicting business objectives and everyone is fighting for their own needs to be met.

Now is the time to come together with an open heart and a curious mind, to share experiences and ideas, to create from each other, hearing different points of views, weaving them elaborately together so you end up with a magnificent tapestry that goes beyond the current environment of tension and blame.

From the minor disagreement in your family, to the major disagreements in organisations, you are being called as a leader to lead consciously, powerfully and intentionally. To listen to what is really being said, to have compassion for your own inability to articulate clearly and compassion for others who do the same.

To see everyone as a human being who is doing their best and has feelings too, rather than an object that gets in your way and stops you achieving.

Stop, slow down, are you hearing all the voices in your system?

What voice is crying out to be heard?

So now I come to making this real. What does this mean for me? What does it mean for my life and work in the world and what does it mean for you?

My work is about raising the consciousness of leaders everywhere, that we may seek to live and work harmoniously and joyfully through increased openness and understanding and that we may lean into our communities to work together to make the world a better place. And that starts with each and every one of us being aware of who we are being in every moment and the impact we are having.

And I’m cooking something new too. I’m wondering about how I can make an impact in my local community, lead the way with courage, curiosity and compassion. For now, it’s enough to know I’ve declared it. It will happen. No rush. Everything is unfolding in the way it is meant to.

Putting it into practice

1. Notice the voices in the system you live and work in – your team, your family, your community.
2. What voice is not being heard?
3. Allow that voice to be heard. Lean into the system and encourage that voice to be spoken. Listen. Listen without judgment or assumptions and with curiosity, out of a desire to understand and embrace another point of view.
4. How can you embrace all the voices in the system so that everybody is right and nobody is made to feel wrong? What can be created when you embrace all the voices in the system, including the minority or unpopular ones?
5. If it is your voice that is not being heard, speak it. Know that your voice is a vital voice in the system. It’s not about you. It’s about the system co-creating together to be the best it can be. Ask to be heard for every voice is needed.
6. Have compassion for the mistakes that are made along the way. There is no manual for life. Each thing we say and do is the best we can do in that moment.

True collaboration comes from allowing all the voices to be heard and understood and to create something amazing that includes everyone. Now that’s the hardest thing we can do and yet it is needed, sorely needed if we are to put an end to the violence that lives within us and within our society.

We are being asked to step up as leaders, to take a stand for what we believe in, to let our voice be heard and to listen to the voices of others too. Together, we can make the world a better place, with curiosity, courage and compassion.

So I’m extending my curiosity to you, the reader. What’s your view?

Please do share your comments below and continue the dialogue of curiosity and understanding.

With love,
Jude. x

Most people I meet say they have a strong value of integrity but it’s one thing to have a strong value of integrity and another to honour it in every action and inaction you take.

How well are you honouring your value of integrity?

How far will you go to stand up for what you believe in?

I hold the view that most people set out to do a good job each day and intend to act with integrity but just how easy is that on a daily basis?

Inaction can make you just as implicit in a lack of integrity. Sometimes the easy option may appear to be to go along with unethical or dishonest behaviour, for the sake of a quiet life, especially where the boundaries of ethics are blurred.

For example, perhaps you are asked to make up some numbers for a presentation. You can’t validate them but you make them up anyway because your boss asked you to. It’s easier than saying no and he/she is your boss.

Or a client asks you or your team to do something and you and/or the team agree to do it, knowing that it doesn’t really fit the needs of the client but it’s easier to give them what they ask for than it is to have a debate about it. It’s easier to give in than it is to take a stand.

But it’s not leadership.

Leadership is about taking a stand. It’s about being conscious in every thing you say and do, knowing the impact of action and inaction and acting with integrity for the best result for everyone.

It may mean challenging behaviour or actions that you do not believe are acceptable. It may mean having a courageous conversation with a client or your boss.

It’s not acceptable to blame it on “the culture” or “everyone else does it”. That’s not leadership.

In his book “Tribes We need you to lead us”, Seth Godin said: “If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader.” As a leader, it’s important to act with integrity and that can be uncomfortable too at times.

Where do you take a stand?

Where are you pushing the boundaries on your own integrity for the sake of a quiet life?

Putting it into practice

1. Notice when you are asked to do or say something that pushes the boundaries of integrity. Notice when others are doing so. Notice what your normal response is. Do you ignore it or do you call it out?
2. If someone were scrutinising what you say and do, would you still act in the same way?
3. Speak up. Trust that you can handle the impact of speaking out, even when it gets uncomfortable.

Let’s change the world together. Let’s take a stand for authenticity and integrity.

Sleep easy at night, knowing you acted with integrity.

With love,
Jude. x

Whenever my husband and I walk our dogs across a field of cows, they usually come and surround us or stand in our path because they don’t like dogs.

I feel unnerved.

It’s a classic conflict situation.

I want to cross the field. The cows try to stop us. It looks like stalemate. On the face of it, we want completely different things.

What have cows got to do with helping us navigate conflict in the workplace?

More than you might think.

When you find yourself in conflict at work, you may spend hours considering what the other party will say and do, what you should say and do, how you can ensure you get your point across, what you want as an outcome and so on. Often, the focus is on your own analysis and anxiety of the situation.

There may be emotion on both sides, even if it is hidden. Deep down, both parties want something that seems unattainable and the amount of energy this takes up is enormous.

So often, people get stuck at this place. Stalemate. Both parties appear to be diametrically opposed and there seems to be no way of resolving it.

Understanding the needs of everyone

It’s important to let go of the analysis and focus on the true needs.

Let’s take my example with the cows. I recently came to a field and saw the cows heaving and snorting at the gate. It ws easy to get caught up in the cycle of “I want to cross the field and the cows want to stop me.” It’s an old story and it’s all made up.

So I went deeper. What was my true need? To cross the field in safety. Not to be trampled.

Then I got curious about what the cows needed. They seemed to want to stop us but I knew there was more than that. Why did they want to stop us? What was their true need?

When I got curious, I understood that they were by the gate because they were interested in us, they wanted to keep their calves safe and they saw the dogs as predators so they were naturally on the defensive.

We actually want the same thing. We’ve moved from “I want to cross the field” and “the cows want to stop me” to “We all want to be safe.” Deep down, that’s what it was all about.

In addition, I’ve recently spent some time with horses so I had an increased understanding of herd animals. That understanding led me to know what was important to them, what their needs were regarding their herd and how to lead them.

Understanding is key.

When you are in conflict, how well do you really understand both your own needs and those of the other party?

With that greater understanding, it was much easier to find a solution that met the needs of everyone. Instead of avoiding them and being afraid, I stood my ground, kept my family close together so we were a strong herd and waved my arms to move the cows away.

When they realised that we and the dogs were standing still and not actually chasing them, they moved away from us. We made sure that their herd stayed together so that they felt safe too. They no longer had a need to stop us. We had removed the need for both us and the cows to be afraid.

We crossed the field in safety. The cows moved away. Also safe. A true win-win.

What’s the story you make up when you are in conflict?

Putting it into practice:

1. Consider a situation you have where there is conflict.
2. What is the underlying need that you have? (This is different from your perceived outcome. What is your true need? e.g. to be safe, to be respected, etc)
3. Let go of any judgments you are making up about the other party. See them as a human being trying to do their best and wanting their needs to be met. For more help with this, refer to my previous posts on The Four Agreements and Treating people as Human beings not objects
4. What is the underlying need that the other party has? Ask them. Be aware that they may not know their underlying need so it’s important to keep being curious to dig it out and go beneath the surface.
5. Articulate your needs and collaborate together to ensure the needs of both parties are met. Notice the impact when you let go of needing to be right.

Most people do not set out to do each other harm. They just want their needs to be met. When you dig deep enough to find your own needs and are curious and compassionate enough to find the needs of others, that’s where collaboration begins.

Collaboration requires openness and flexibility. It requires you to be vulnerable enough to state your needs, to trust the other person so that they can lean into trusting you in return and enable you both to create together.

Don’t wait for the other person. It’s time to start leading by example.

With love,
Jude. x

P.S. No cows, humans or dogs were harmed in the writing of this blog post.

You think something is never going to happen so you don’t bother to have a go?

Last week, I achieved the seemingly impossible as I became a qualified facilitator in Equine Guided Leadership Development.

I say “seemingly impossible” because just 6 weeks ago, I was terrified of horses.

After a serious riding accident 11 years ago and a further 2 serious incidents with horses since then, I became afraid of horses and didn’t want to be in the space with them. I made up a story that said they were dangerous, overpowering and might hurt me again. Not surprising considering what I’ve been through.

What stories keep you playing small and stop you from achieving what you want?

And yet deep down, I knew there was another story, a more powerful way of looking at this. So 6 weeks ago, I set out to make peace with horses. All I wanted to do was no longer be afraid of them. So I spent 2 hours with Dave Harris of Acorns to Oaks and 2 of his horses and I made peace with them. And in doing so, I reframed my old story from one of fear to one of mutual respect.

I realised that the horses could overpower me, if I allowed them to and that I could also be in relationship with them with mutual respect. That means that they get a say and I get a say in how we are together and we find a way to create something together from what we both want. Creating together.

So you’d think that that was it. I achieved my aim, I made peace with the horses. I couldn’t think beyond that because my mind was closed down to anything else.

Except that as another 5 weeks went by, I allowed myself to open up to future possibilities. What if I could be in relationship with horses without riding them? What might be possible then?

Trusting myself

So I signed up to Acorn to Oaks’s Train the Trainer program to learn how to be a facilitator of Equine Guided Leadership Development, having no idea why I was doing it but trusting my intuition that I was meant to do it. And last week, I completed that training and qualified.

Receiving that certificate is the proudest moment of my life so far (and believe me, I’ve had a few proud moments). I was proud that I’d surrendered to the unknown, to not needing to know what was possible, to allowing myself to follow my heart, to have a go, to be willing to accept that this might not be for me and willing to be open also to whatever might come from it.

When I arrived, I was totally out of  my comfort zone but trusting that I could handle whatever was thrown at me and knowing that if I couldn’t, I had the skills to say, stop this is not for me. I realise I trust myself. And when you trust yourself, you can have a go at anything.

Open to possibilities

In 3 days, I re-conected to the joy of being around horses and I opened up to the possibility of a bigger dream than I’ve ever had. When I was 9, I wanted a pony but it wasn’t to be at that time. Since then, I’ve shut down the 9 year old girl’s dream of being with horses, not realising that it was a dream that is deep rooted in my soul.

How often do you do that? Stop yourself dreaming because you don’t know how to achieve them?

Last week, I re-awakened that dream because I’m open to possibilities, I’m willing to surrender to whatever happens and work with it, in the moment. Now my new dream is to be around horses every day of my life, to work with them as partners in leadership development because I witnessed the power of the learning that we can get by being in their presence. They are natural leaders and they show us how to be the same. That’s powerful. It’s transformational. I want to be on their team, working with them. Leading the way.

Of course, I have lots of stories I could tell myself about how little I really know about horses (I could learn), how I can’t afford to buy any (I could borrow some), I don’t have a venue (I could find one and ask someone), etc etc. you see how it’s all a matter of perspective? These are small particles that just need to be handled.

The beliefs and the stories you make up can be powerful and move you towards your dreams or they can be limiting and move you away and make your world small.

What if you were to open up to possibilities?

What if you allowed an impossible dream to become possible?

I’m choosing to live in a world of possibilities, where I can do whatever I want to do and to bring all of me into my work.

That’s definitely possible. I don’t know how to do it just means I don’t know how to do it which is very different from “I can’t do it”.

What’s the way that you want to find?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider a problem that you don’t know how to fix.
2. What do you want to happen that you think is impossible?
3. If you focus on the outcome, what does it look like?
4. Who is doing and saying what? What are you hearing?
5. What’s the first step towards that outcome?

We are only limited by how big we can dream.

In the last year, I’ve given up my corporate job, started my own business, led a transformational leadership development program, started writing a book on natural leadership, completed a triathlon challenge in aid of Guide dogs for the blind and now this. I thought I was dreaming big before. Now I see that the possibilities are only limited by how big I dare dream!

My coach often says: “You only have to make a declaration and it just happens.” I’ve already started turning dreams into reality. Now it’s time to make the dreams more expansive and bolder than even I’ve ever dared to believe.

Will you join me in living a powerful life?

If you want help in making the impossible possible, contact me to discuss how coaching can help.

With love,
Jude. x

It gets collapsed with “authority”, “responsibility”, “ego” and even “abuse of power”.

So how do you know when you are standing in your leadership power?

You feel it. You feel alive, invincible, as though anything is possible.

Think back to a time when you were on fire, when everything was going your way, you didn’t have to try hard, there was nothing to prove. You just showed up. People hung on your every word, they wanted to be with you, they were cheering you on.

You knew in that moment that anything was possible. You could have dealt with anything that came your way. Your enthusiasm was contagious. That’s it. That’s you using your leadership power.

Last week, I led a workshop where I asked 13 senior corporate leaders to claim their leadership power, to name it, to ask for it in each other and to show their full range of powerful magnificence all day. And they rose to the challenge. They really did and it was so compelling.

Right there in that moment, I would willingly have given up my job to go and work for any one of them. I wanted to be on their team because they were using their power as leaders in a way that was compelling, authentic, honest and egoless.

That’s the impact of being in the presence of an authentic, powerful leader. You want to follow them anywhere. You want to be in their team.

Abuse of power

You’ve all seen leaders who abuse their authority. They take advantage of any hierarchy (however tenuous) and tell people what to do. You don’t respect them; they don’t respect you. There is no collaboration, just a drive, a push, a feeling of “have to” driven by fear of the consequences of not following their lead.

The focus is on the task rather than the people and egos get in the way. It’s a place of mistrust and fear, of jostling for position, needing to be right, needing to look good and a place of blaming others and putting them down for the sake of one’s own ego. The approach is: “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Yuk. That’s a horrible environment to work in. It sucks the life out of you. It’s not powerful leadership. And yet, this is an all too common situation in business.

There is another way…

5 steps to claim your authentic leadership power

Here are my 5 steps to claim your leadership power:

1. Find your inner peace

Your power as a leader comes from a place of inner peace. It comes from loving yourself enough to accept who you are and the gifts you have to share. Power comes from being real and authentic.

To stand in your power as a leader takes confidence, a belief in yourself, a willingness to say “This is me.” When you are completely at peace with who you are as a leader, you can claim your power and step into it unapologetically, without ego.

Power comes from integrity, from acting in line with your values, from being open and flexible to see opportunity and possibility in everyone and in every situation, including (perhaps especially) the uncomfortable ones.

2. Be vulnerable

Leadership is a vulnerable place to be. Leaders go to new places, they challenge the status quo. That can feel vulnerable and yet it is essential too if you want to create an impact and lead the change. When you come from a place of inner peace, it is easy to show up authentically, honestly, openly. Let go of needing to look good or needing to be right. Let go of any judgment about yourself or others.

True vulnerability has enormous strength behind it.

I recently watched a leader share a story about his failures, openly within a group. In doing so, he let go of needing to look good and stepped into being vulnerable for the sake of leading by example so that others could learn from his (painful) experience.

And they did. Others followed suit, shared war stories and learned from each other. This is the power of vulnerability in leadership. It’s about getting over yourself for the sake of being of service to others and to a bigger vision. It takes humility and it gives others permission to be human too. Phew, what a relief that is.

3. Listen to others

Well that sounds easy doesn’t it. And yet, so often people don’t do it. Let go of your own needs for a moment and listen for the needs of others. What are they really saying? What do they want? What is important to them? Be curious about what their needs really are. Ask them.

Vulnerability is a pre-requisite. When you let go of needing to have your own needs met, you trust that you can come back to what you want and need later. First, get over there. Look at the other person in front of you. Want their needs to be met for the sake of their humanity. That is compelling as a leader… to listen, hear and understand. That’s what most people want from you. If you can do this one thing, you will increase your power as a leader.

4. Ask for what you want

Do you get what you want? If not, then consider asking. I know that sounds flippant and yet it can really be that simple!

Do you stand in a place of victim, complaining about others and how they get in your way?

Do you ever think or say “If only xxx, then everything would be ok.” Then start asking for what you want.

In the workshop last week, I watched leaders ask for what they wanted. They articulated their needs clearly. They opened up to allowing the answer to be “no”. With every request we have, there is the potential for 3 different answers: Yes, No or a counteroffer.

Jeremy Gilley of Peace One Day recently said: “I like getting “No” as an answer because then I can be curious about how to get to a yes.” He’s willing to be vulnerable, to get “no” as an answer, trusting that he might get something even better than he originally wanted.

5. Collaborate

Power comes from true collaboration. I have a very simple formula for collaboration:

Your needs + My needs = The solution

So often, the needs of only one party get met, or a compromise is made and nobody really wins. True collaboration requires powerful leadership. It takes time initially. It builds stronger relationships because the emphasis is on everyone having their needs met. Longer term, it will save time because those you work with will want to collaborate and know how to.

Stand in your power, feel it, believe it, own it, without ego. Give yourself permission to be compelling as a leader.

Keep leading with power and compassion.

With love,
Jude. x